Western Union (Phishing) Email Scam

I recently received an email from a Mr Kelly Omar who advised me that I’d won $950,000:00USD through a South African fund vault from an Online Promo held by the United Nations in conjunction with Western Union. Sound legit? Because it totally is.

While I was excited about making a new friend, who will never replace my facebook buddy from before (I miss you Olori), I soon discovered that my new friend displayed a distinct lack of patience with my folly. And in turn I lost interest rather quickly.

Can you spot where I stopped caring?

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2. Western Union Win 3. Rick Roll Attempt

3.1 Form

Mr Kelly Omar gets right to it. I’m bombarded with long paragraphs riddled with spelling and grammatical errors and tedious jargon which I skimmed but leave here for your information should your own Kelly contact you.

4. Long Ass Email 4.1. Long Ass Email 4.2. Long Ass Email5. Getting things Straight6.7.

His response was a bit: 8. 9.10. 11.

Kelly hasn’t responded since. I guess that’s another friendship squandered and opportunity for monetary gain lost.

A JawkwardLOL Understanding of ‘Throwing Shade’

‘Shading someone’ isn’t talking smack, yeah who would’ve thought? Upon delving into the neo-definition and short evolution of the slang term ‘shade’, and what it now means when you ‘shade’ someone, I’ve discovered a colourful history and the surprisingly complex nature of a term I had originally associated with basic smack talk.

The term ‘shade’ is thought to originate from Paris is Burning, a 1990 documentary on Harlem drag balls, when renowned drag queen Dorian Corey explains what ‘shade’ and ‘throwing shade’ is:

“Shade is, ‘I don’t tell you you’re ugly, but I don’t have to tell you because you know you’re ugly.’ And that’s shade.”

In fact it would appear that ‘throwing shade’ dates back to as early as 1925:

“Most often associated with Black English, but it is also said to be used among gay and cross-dressing performers and club-goers. Etymological Note: Probably related to shade, v., which means “to defeat, to outdo” and dates to at least as early as 1925 and also to the far more common put in/throw in the shade with the same meaning.”

Shade, in the context of popular culture, is an intricate weaving of language and subtle, passive aggressive, innuendo. It’s rather a show of wit and mental prowess. Now picking up on it and responding in the appropriate manner takes just as much wit, as shown here by Mariah Carey.

In usurping Nicki Minaj’s attempt to shade Mariah Carey, note Nicki’s use of the past tense ‘was’ when referring to how great a song ‘All I Want For Christmas’, Mariah’s response is a good example of counter-shading. She does not outright say that Nicki’s music isn’t on par with her own but rather, by highlighting the far reaching success of her own music and its continued popularity well over a decade later, she subtly insinuates the brevity of Nicki’s success.

It takes intelligence and quick wit to expertly ‘throw shade’. If you have any of your own examples of ‘throwing shade’, please be sure to hit that comment button.

Facebook Scam - An Unlikely Friendship

The easiest way to deal with a Facebook scam is to ignore/delete the message and block the sender, but where’s the fun in that? There’s no harm in a little (albeit rather one-sided) banter with someone who’s offering you fake money. So when Olori Themmyturpe Sholarja messaged me on Facebook with a great get-money-for-nothing opportunity, I responded with a thumbs up.

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I’m not sure what I wanted from the exchange and I wasn’t even sure that Olori would respond. But Olori did not disappoint, Olori took my gesture as a sign that I was interested in her help and that I had emailed the appropriate people ‘for [my] own good’. I hadn’t, but I guessed at what an email from Olori’s contacts would say.

2As it turned out, Olori took my word for it and proceeded to ask me to fill out a form in order to ‘prove my ownership’. There were some personal questions, but I obliged.

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With the help of Susanne Collins and a quick google search of US mobile numbers, I filled the form out to the best of my knowledge, sorta. After a few minutes I started to wonder if Olori had forgotten about me. So I prompted her.

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At first, I thought perhaps I had laid it on too thick. I thought, through my immature giggles, Olori might know JK Rowling’s work!? Surely? Nope.

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Olori advised me that galleons wouldn’t do and that my fee had to be paid in US currency. Understandable…I think. Olori proceeded to provide me with Western Union information- apparently sending my galleons via owl wouldn’t cut it.

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I once again reiterated that I had no home, as it had been destroyed by the Capitol- and questioned Olori’s identity and magical status. It was at this point that things got real- Olori felt I didn’t trust her and laid some persuasive techniques on me. And you know what? I was convinced.

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But once again I wanted more answers, so I begged of her three questions. It is at this point that I wondered, is Olori even female? Olori could very well be a guy’s name, but this was of little consequence. What did it matter what sex Olori was? She/he was my friend, albeit a friend who wouldn’t answer any of my questions. Olori evaded them deftly and tried to calm me, empathising with my lack of confidence but still remaining firm in my need to place my trust in her/him. And of course, like any normal person, I did. But I couldn’t really let it go without asking another important question.8

I thought, if Olori knew the muffin man than the muffin man could vouch for Olori- but unfortunately she/he was not an acquaintance of the muffin man.9

At this point I fear my friendship with Olori was drawing to an end, she/he was becoming tired of my questions. Olori was slipping away and becoming frustrated with my behaviour. I acted rashly, and it cost me much more than $850 US dollars. It cost me a friend from Nigeria.10

In the end our friendship was but a fleeting moment, a chanced exchange in a vast world of social networking. Olori wanted to help my financial situation but my incessant questions drove her/him away, like it did my parents (not really, but I felt making myself an orphan would really ramp up the intensity). And with those final automated words from facebook, alerting me to the fact that Olori did indeed see my message, I knew it was over. Because Olori saw my message but did not deign to respond, and although I did not send the money as promised, and therefore did not receive my $50,000,00 financial help, I feel I had gotten more than a few dollars. I had gained, and lost, a friend and a new outlook on life.

11

Mum thinks I need Jesus.

You know your mum thinks you need Jesus when she brings you a huge bible from Samoa. Think I’m kidding?

I am not kidding. This is not a dud, this is not a drill- we’re talking 42 (guesstimation) point size font larger than life scripture. This wouldn’t be a post if Jess didn’t think it was hilarious. I’m not as amused, however I am the one with the huge holy book. Also, it’s all in Samoan. My Samoan was getting rusty.

To illustrate just how huge this thing is. It’s bigger than my 13″ Macbook pro.

Duly noted, mum. I most certainly will let Jesus take the wheel from here on out when making all of my decisions.

I visited the Mothership

I have clocked it. Really, I have. I went to Apple HQ today, it was awesome. Unfortunately you need to know someone to get inside the buildings but I got some nice photos outside. There is also the company store which sells apple branded T-shirts, souvenirs etc. I got asked by the attendant if I worked at Apple which was a total fan girl moment.

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Then, it was off to Google HQ where everyone had ID attached but I might have just walked in. I was scared of getting caught so ran around and took as many photos as I can. I saw everyone on those Google bicycles. It was awesome. Heaven. Went past the cafeteria and saw everyone eating and nearly everyone had different type of cuisine. Amazing!

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Driving through Silicon Valley is awesome. You see all these companies whose products that you use everyday. Saw Yahoo, Intel, Evernote, Oracle just on the side of the road. This is my kind of sightseeing.

Saw the garage which is said to be the birthplace of Silicon Valley.

Then drove to Santa Rosa which is like wine country to visit some family. Stopped at this amazing street where the street itself is called Factory Outlets. Bought some Nike shoes and T-Shirts for my brothers, a Guess watch for myself and some Italian Leather shoes for work (fancy).

We have driven all over San Fran today. Seen a lot of the countryside. And went over Golden Gate Bridge again which I loved.

Thanks,
Jess

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I, Jessica Kumar, am Lucille II.

Guys, something has happened to me. My balance is out. Nearly fell out of the bed this morning and turned around in the store and nearly knocked the display over. Laugh away, although Mata has laughed enough for all of you! Not my fault I am like Lucille II. (Arrested Development jokes FTW).

Yeah, I went to a couple of malls today. And I was so scared of falling over that I bought a pair of jeans and ran home to take a nap. (Mata interjecting here: What kind of LOGIC? Jeans?!)

So today as promised I will just upload some photos of other stuff I did yesterday.

Went to the Palace of Fine Arts. This area was built originally to accommodate the exhibitions for the Panama-Pacific International Exposition in 1915.

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Also, walked up hill to go to Lombard Street and walked down this street- famous for being one of the world’s crooked streets due to its steepness. Obviously the steepest street in the title goes to…

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Also, walked through China Town and saw a bunch of frogs on sale. It was disgusting. I did not take a photo cos’ it was ugh.

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Also, went to a beautiful cathedral.

Nearly broke my leg today when I went to take a shower and the lights were on automatic and it shut down. And I was without clothes in a dark bathroom without my bearings. Yeah, no day is complete without me going through something stupid.

Thanks,
Jess

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