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3 Comments Posted on by Mata Blogging, Twitter

5 Steps To Having an Awesome #NZSecretSanta 2014 Experience!

#NZ Secret Santa

It’s that time of the year the time when the Twitter folk of New Zealand get their Twitter sleuthing hats on and step up their gift-giving game to partake in ‘NZ Secret Santa’. NZ Secret Santa was started by one @websam in 2010, who wanted to focus only on growing pumpkins and let the cool guys over at NZ Post take the reins in 2012. Since then it’s become quite the organised event with a Santa Storehouse so that you don’t have give out your address willynilly, and an epic elf service that stores the gifts, and only sends out gifts to those Secret Santas who have actually sent a gift! You’ve got to give to receive! And if you don’t give, you still give because the gift that was meant for you goes to Christchurch City Mission. Great huh? Also, NZ Post donates $1500 if there are 1500 participants, $5000 for 5000 signed up participants, or $10,000 if there are 10,000 participants.

So be a sport and sign up and participate because what’s more exciting than spreading some cheer? Other than a new episode of Game of Thrones that is. Seeing as regristrations open tomorrow we thought we’d talk about how to make this year’s #NZSecretSanta an awesome experience, both for returning Santas and new ones.

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

Step 1: Follow @nzsecretsanta and Register.

Link your Twitter account to a New Zealand Post online account. It’s easy-peasy, just follow the instructions. Seriously, it’s really easy. Just do as we do.

Mean Girls♥ (Scenes)

Step 2: Tweet! It’s no fun if you’re a Silent Egg.

Just tweet, okay? You can tweet as per usual, if you’re not a prolific tweeter then at least try to make an effort. Hell, tweet about your interests, you can even drop a hint or two if you like, or be as blunt as Jess: “Just because I am an accountant does not mean I want a calculator”. And if you think your tweets are not showing off your personality, add in your personal website, instagram, or links to things you like in your bio. Just keep in mind nobody likes a Demanding Darcy. “I like wacky socks” is good, “GIVE ME WACKY SOCKS” notsomuch.

christmas animated GIF

Oh and remember to use the hashtag: #nzsecretsanta.

Step 3: Stalk Your Recipient Like There’s No Tomorrow.

Get up in there. Obviously we don’t condone actual stalking, because that’s weird and not at all cool, we’re talking getting to know your recipient without alerting them to the fact that you are their Secret Santa. This is where all your days spent online stalking exes, crushes and frenemies come in handy. Don’t act like you don’t do it. But seriously you have to up your twitter stalking game once you find out who you’ve got and Veronica Mars your way into finding out what they like, from links of any websites they have, to their twitter conversations and other online activity. Word of advice, though, don’t start following the person straight away. Stalking is an artform. Put them on a private list or follow a bunch of people using the #nzsecretsanta timeline at once, it’s a great time to get exposed to new tweeters, anyway. Fingers-crossed you get someone fun who hasn’t set their twitter account to private and isn’t a Silent Egg.

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

Step 4: Get them a Kickass Gift and SEND IT.

This is important, after you’ve sleuthed to your heart’s content, get around to actually sending your gift to the Santa Storehouse to be processed and sent off to your recipient. Which should be easy because you would have registered and have been told how to do it here. Try to be a bit early, definitely in before the 10th of December, especially if some people may have supplied work addresses and will be on leave nearer to christmas. Giving a gift is a great feeling because you’ll know that your recipient will feel like Glen Coco.

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And your gift doesn’t have to be super expensive to be cool (in fact you’re supposed to keep it about $10 if you’re buying). The best gifts are the thoughtful ones. So be creative and most importantly SEND IT IN. Because if you don’t send it, know that this will be you:

Mean-Girls-Christmas-snapes-family-and-friends-32952149-500-144

Step 5: Tweet About What You Get ^_^

It’s not fun unless we’re all shoving our cool gifts down each other’s throats, in a non-graphic or violent way, so tweet, insta, facebook and snapchat all the photos of the gift your amazing NZ Secret Santa got you. Note that Jess, below, got One Direction stationary instead of a calculator because her teeny bopper personality shined through her tweets.

Once again, remember to use #nzsecretsanta for all them humblebrags, come Christmas it should be the humblebrag hashtag. Unless it winds up being Jaded Central. But let’s not dwell on the (possible) negatives, and pledge as Awesome Secret Santas to follow the 5 Steps to an enjoyable NZ Secret Santa experience.

HAPPY #NZSECRETSANTA 2014!

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Some Key Dates for 2014 to keep in mind:

13 Nov, that’s tomorrow, registrations open.
19 Nov, get in quick because this is when registrations close.
21 Nov, find out who you get to stalk, I mean get to be Secret Santa for.
10 Dec, you need to have your gift sent BY this date.
19 Dec, know that your gift should be on its way!

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

3 Comments Posted on by Mata Jawkward, Scams

Facebook Scam - An Unlikely Friendship

The easiest way to deal with a Facebook scam is to ignore/delete the message and block the sender, but where’s the fun in that? There’s no harm in a little (albeit rather one-sided) banter with someone who’s offering you fake money. So when Olori Themmyturpe Sholarja messaged me on Facebook with a great get-money-for-nothing opportunity, I responded with a thumbs up.

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I’m not sure what I wanted from the exchange and I wasn’t even sure that Olori would respond. But Olori did not disappoint, Olori took my gesture as a sign that I was interested in her help and that I had emailed the appropriate people ‘for [my] own good’. I hadn’t, but I guessed at what an email from Olori’s contacts would say.

2As it turned out, Olori took my word for it and proceeded to ask me to fill out a form in order to ‘prove my ownership’. There were some personal questions, but I obliged.

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With the help of Susanne Collins and a quick google search of US mobile numbers, I filled the form out to the best of my knowledge, sorta. After a few minutes I started to wonder if Olori had forgotten about me. So I prompted her.

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At first, I thought perhaps I had laid it on too thick. I thought, through my immature giggles, Olori might know JK Rowling’s work!? Surely? Nope.

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Olori advised me that galleons wouldn’t do and that my fee had to be paid in US currency. Understandable…I think. Olori proceeded to provide me with Western Union information- apparently sending my galleons via owl wouldn’t cut it.

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I once again reiterated that I had no home, as it had been destroyed by the Capitol- and questioned Olori’s identity and magical status. It was at this point that things got real- Olori felt I didn’t trust her and laid some persuasive techniques on me. And you know what? I was convinced.

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But once again I wanted more answers, so I begged of her three questions. It is at this point that I wondered, is Olori even female? Olori could very well be a guy’s name, but this was of little consequence. What did it matter what sex Olori was? She/he was my friend, albeit a friend who wouldn’t answer any of my questions. Olori evaded them deftly and tried to calm me, empathising with my lack of confidence but still remaining firm in my need to place my trust in her/him. And of course, like any normal person, I did. But I couldn’t really let it go without asking another important question.8

I thought, if Olori knew the muffin man than the muffin man could vouch for Olori- but unfortunately she/he was not an acquaintance of the muffin man.9

At this point I fear my friendship with Olori was drawing to an end, she/he was becoming tired of my questions. Olori was slipping away and becoming frustrated with my behaviour. I acted rashly, and it cost me much more than $850 US dollars. It cost me a friend from Nigeria.10

In the end our friendship was but a fleeting moment, a chanced exchange in a vast world of social networking. Olori wanted to help my financial situation but my incessant questions drove her/him away, like it did my parents (not really, but I felt making myself an orphan would really ramp up the intensity). And with those final automated words from facebook, alerting me to the fact that Olori did indeed see my message, I knew it was over. Because Olori saw my message but did not deign to respond, and although I did not send the money as promised, and therefore did not receive my $50,000,00 financial help, I feel I had gotten more than a few dollars. I had gained, and lost, a friend and a new outlook on life.

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Leave a comment Posted on by Mata Blogging, News, Twitter

Spare us from Brain-Clogging Misogynistic Drones

Two days ago, sitting at my desk somewhere in Auckland, I decided to check my tweets. Scrolling through my entertaining, heavily trafficked, Twitter timeline there were a few tweets that caught my eye, hilarious comments about life, informative tweets about current affairs, the odd retweeted misogynistic joke which made me furrow my brow, and then there was a tweet or two about a columnist named Bob Jones.

At the time I did not give any thought to the correlation between the last two things. In fact, I thought nothing of it. I had to sign out as I was a guest speaker in the lunchroom about the importance of having reading material or a friend to talk to during your break, afterwards I regaled a colleague about my tweets, leaving out my Twitter-handle for obvious reasons.

At the time I was voicing my dislike for the stupidity of misogynistic parody accounts and the lack of originality prevalent in ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’ jokes. My colleague called over another colleague, a male, to join in the debate but he interrupted and told me my topic of conversation was actually blowing up on the New Zealand Twitter scene as a column posted by a Mr Bob Jones was currently being criticised for its rather mind-numbing misogyny. “Excellent! Let’s pull up your timeline, then,” I urged, and, unsurprisingly, both colleagues concurred.

Accordingly we read the Bob Jones hashtag and many tweets from irate users, both male and female, in regards to Mr Jones’ NZH column made me exceedingly curious.

I read the post in question, the title itself was enough to set off alarm bells, and it wasn’t until he really got into the ‘unintended consequences’ of replacing traffic lights with roundabouts that things became and remained chaotic. His misogynistic tirade describing the unanticipated ‘women problem’ caused what could only be likened to a brain embolism.

The problem, with Bob Jones and his crippling misogyny, isn’t new. In fact, about one hundred per cent of his columns are filled to the brim with gender, and sometimes racial, stereotyping, sexist jokes and self-appreciation all written with the conviction of a privileged white-male, causing multiple embolisms in the brains of intelligent people who happen across his columns.

This isn’t an attack on the man, rather his narrow-minded, antiquated, views on women, life and the world. It’s an attack on the fact that he thought it okay to state that while he ‘normally doesn’t condone police violence’ he’d make an exception for women drivers and that the police would be doing ‘God’s work’ by going to the homes of the women complaining about the speed with which he drove (in order to surpass the incompetent women drivers driving slowly in his overpriced vehicle) and ‘beating the crap out of them and burning their houses down’. It is a condemnation of his constant perpetuation of misogynistic ideals.

If we were to complete a two-question ‘tick the box’ form, after reading a Bob Jones opinion piece, what would the two questions be? The first would no-doubt be a question of whether or not the piece offended you and why, with options ranging from ‘yes, because this is the most ridiculous piece of trash I’ve ever read’ to ‘yes, please tell this man that the year is 2013 and not 1913′ with everyone ticking each box, even the one that says ‘yes, but who is Bob Jones?’ The second question would be related to age, and there will be one answer, ‘you’re not too old to learn new tricks’ namely how to not be sexist.

To overcome the pain in my brain from reading too many Bob Jones articles I read more tweets about Bob Jones (#BobJones) and the following pieces by what I am assured (only by the sheer fact that they are not Bob Jones) are decent human beings.

This following tweet may be my favourite.

Leave a comment Posted on by JawkwardLOL NZ TV, TV Talk

The Blue Rose 1×05: Pretty Girls Make Graves

The Blue Rose: Monday 9:30pm TV3Tonight’s episode (episode 5 of 13) took a turn for the dark. I know I know, it’s a show about how a rag tag group of people come together after the death of a personal assistant (a friend to 3 out of 4 of them) who knew too much, felt too much and by the looks of things- trusted too much. It might not be that the show turned dark on us, it’s just that with Rose’s back-story and the events thus far about Rose’s life didn’t quite resonate so much with us on an emotional level. There’s something about the homeless guy’s sense of redemption in this episode that really seemed to click.

The Homeless guy, who’s real name is David Quilter played by Seth Flynn, ran from Jane and Linda that first time they encountered him and we hadn’t seen him since, that is until this episode. David’s aversion to the police runs deeper than what we had initially thought, of course. We know he found Rose’s body and when the gang first started out asking questions we were forced to come to the assumption that he was the culprit, or knew something about it. The problem, we come to discover, is that David Quilter also knew too much and he buckled under the weight of his knowledge. He speaks fondly of Rose, and it seems she’d been trying to get him to make something right. When Linda discovers the newspaper clippings and immediately jumps to the conclusion that he was some sort of creepy stalker murdery guy (my extensive vocabulary has gone on holiday) I feel the show puts us at odds with her. We’re placed on Sonya’s side of the fence, wanting to coax information out of him by being kind- as opposed to bullying. It’s sad, because Sonya forms a bit of a bond with him and this is before he gives us anything useful to go on.

When David described the time in 24hour clock I thought he’d been military, which would have only made sense on an American show- however I wasn’t too far off the mark. A cop. Homeless guy, aka David, was an ex-cop who’d been undercover and was betrayed not just by another police officer, but by the officer he’d been reporting to. The thing is, this officer didn’t just betray him, he murdered an innocent and made David help him frame another man. David had been living with the guilt for years, and it had festered within him. He was also ill, by the looks of things, really ill. There’s a sense of mitigation for him in his confession to a room full of cops, and Flynn’s portrayal of David’s sense of fulfillment was moving.

Suits and cops, they’re all in it together, David says. Which I suppose is a melding of both his present and his past. Rose was talking to someone wearing a suit, he’d helped a dirty cop cover up a murder. One thing I had minor qualms with, as an ex-cop wouldn’t David have known that Simon wasn’t a police officer? Or was he too drunk and out of it to really care? Simon had been keeping David in a rest home, and it appears that he’d been doing some of his own investigating. Whether to find out more about Rose’s death, or to cover up his tracks is unclear just yet- but we’ll find out soon enough. As Ganesh (and by extension the Blue Rose gang) tries to get into Rose’s phone which David had picked up and handed over to Sonya.

There were funny bits this episode too, they’re just overshadowed by the heavier material of the episode.

Although I do appreciate the episode ending on the IT Crowd joke. It’s funny because earlier in the episode Krystle with a K had been complaining about how all IT did was suggest the computer be turned off and on again.

Special Mentions:

- Ganesh is smoother than we give him credit for. Also, can there be more Ganesh and Fasi? BrOTP, found.

- I’m torn between shaking my head at Ben in disapproval for showing up at Jane’s work like that and shaking my head in commiseration at the fact that Jane is keeping secrets from him. Also, that final scene with Ben and Jane was actually really cute.

- Charlie, still trying to get his ins with Jane. Did Charlie try his luck with Rose too? According to the preview for next week Charlie may have been one of the last people to have seen Rose alive.

Leave a comment Posted on by Mata Book Talk, Movie Talk, Twitter

JawkwardLOL Mean Girls of NZ Twitter: Hogwarts Edition.

What do you get when you come across die hard Harry Potter fans who know the Mean Girls script inside and out? Well an hour or two of the following. Basically Kiva vexed Harry Potter Fans Anny, Misha and I, inciting a twitter war of epic proportions. And no, I’ve never met these lovely people face to face. We inhabit the wizarding (girl) world of twitter, where hashtags are curses and the wrong tweet can be social (networking) suicide. It doesn’t matter, because these are the NZ Twitter Plastics of Hogwarts.

If you have your own quote mash-ups chuck ‘em in the comments below! Because seriously, we made fetch happen and we didn’t have to place the imperius curse on anyone and make them walk in front of a bus to do it. Great turnout. *crickets chirping*

1 Comment Posted on by JawkwardLOL NZ TV, TV Talk

JawkwardLOL Reviews: Sunny Skies Pilot

Sunny Skies Friday 8pm TV3

So, Sunny Skies. I’m going to start with I don’t hate it. Right now I think, like the Mainland Cheese ads, ‘good things take time’ and I think we should give this show a bit of that. Twitter thoughts fluctuate.

The What: Deano and Oscar played by Tammy Davis and Oliver Driver find out they’re half-brothers when they arrive to their late father’s will-reading. This takes place at Sunny Skies, the campground they also inherit together much to the chagrin of the current manager Nicky, played by Morgana O’Reilly. Their father’s will stipulates that one can’t sell without the express permission of the other. So they, meaning Deano (MUNTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!) the not-so-smart Maori one with a heart of gold and a smartass daughter who feels overlooked, decide to keep it. Oscar can’t do much about it except offer derisive remarks. Which some people like:

And some don’t:

Gunner’s pantslessness. Dude. Get some pants. The two homos, I like. Because they’re a bit mean and everyone knows you treat ‘em mean to keep them keen. The humour is awkward, a bit dry and rather self-deprecating, but that’s kiwi humour for you. Something Hounds had a lot of, but that didn’t save it and that makes us sad. However we’re not talking about our grudge over the fact that show got canned.

Special mentions:

“I’ve always wanted an older brother. I just didn’t picture him being so…white.”

“Do you mind if I don’t talk to you, it’s just that old people give me the shits.”

“Just what don’t you understand about the word ‘homosexual’? Do you want us to draw you a picture?”

‘Whoever heard of a Maori who can’t swim?’

‘You’re hugging me bro!’

So let us know what you think, either by commenting or tweeting us. Do you think we should give Sunny Skies a chance? Also, we’re a big site now (sung to the tune of Huggies nappy ads), which just means we’ve decided we’re old and mature enough for a facebook page. Please ‘like’ us. Even if you don’t like us. Whether you ‘like’ us or not, we still like you.

Jawk ya in a bitties, titties. Ohh naaughty, said a naughty word! We’re rebels too, please come be our friend.

10 Comments Posted on by JawkwardLOL NZ TV, TV Talk

The Blue Rose Pilot 1×01 - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

Antonia Prebble and Siobhan Marshall, who played the West sisters Loretta and Pascalle respectively in the much loved Outrageous Fortune, are back as Jane and Linda. Jane, played by Prebble, is a modest new office temp at an inner city law firm. She’s unknowingly replacing a dead woman, Rose, who we discover is the woman found floating in the harbour at the beginning of the episode. Rose’s best friend Linda, played by Marshall, is a no-nonsense, straight talking woman who is pretty sure there’s something rotten in the state of Denmark. Wait, wrong show.
About The Blue Rose

What do we think? The pilot has definitely got us interested. Shall we ask twitter?

So far so good, because we really need this. It’s a nice new ‘whodunnit’ drama for us Monday-sufferers to get into. It’s always awesome seeing location shots we recognise from everyday life, especially if it’s shot really well. The show makes Auckland look pretty swanky. TV magic or is Auckland lookin’ good? You make the call.

Who can we trust? I mean Linda and Jane, who can Linda and Jane trust? Everyone’s acting just a little bit suspect from Simon, Rose’s (and now Jane’s) boss to the IT guy, Ganesh. The pilot really sets the stage for what could be an interesting series! Who is the old lady with the dark shades that shows up to Rose’s funeral and we see again at the end of the episode? Did Rose stumble upon something she really shouldn’t have or, despite Linda’s refusal to believe so, was Rose aware? Dodgy dealings and shady characters! Why’s the IT guy acting crazy? Is that hot junior lawyer, Charlie, who sits across from Jane a bit too friendly? Is it too early to start making theories about who killed Rose? Most definitely not! I’m going to go ahead and theorise that the most ‘suspicious’ seeming character most probably won’t be the killer. The IT guy? No, and someone agrees with me!

Marshall and Prebble are brilliant in their new roles. We can all agree that they slip into these roles without a hitch. Jane’s humble but smart- although conscientious. A far cry from the devious, somewhat immoral Loretta West. Linda’s a tough ‘no nonsense’ but loyal friend who’s driven to seek out the truth. If not for her own peace of mind, then for her best friend’s daughter. Where Pascalle West was a bit of a whiny princess, Linda is a biting, assertive character who I already back 100%. It’s unfair, although inevitable, to conjure up thoughts of Outrageous Fortune. However before long you’ll be so engrossed in the mystery and the lives of the characters on the Blue Rose to keep searching for similarities.

SNEAK PEEK: Jane 's first day

Krystle ‘with a K’ is a bitch, but she’s an entertaining bitch. Also, a Shorty star, so take a shot. Them’s the rules, of course. See a Shortland Street or Outrageous Fortune actor and you take a shot of something strong. But not strong enough that you can’t follow the storyline! Too much alcohol and a complex storyline oft do not mix.

Noteworthy:

- Linda jabbing Rose’s ex-husband (well technically separated but he was on P, the upside down b! Seriously if he gets the house and their daughter Linda will probably do something drastic. She seems the type.) in the face at Rose’s funeral. He really does seem like a jerk-face the entire episode. So kudos for making a hateable character, he joins Peterson ‘don’t need a dead woman giving me grief’ and possibly Jane’s mooching boyfriend in the list of characters I’ll gladly hate on a weekly basis.

- Epic shots of Auckland city!

- The IT guy’s way of threatening is actually pretty freaky. He could make it look like Jane was looking at anything, even… nekkid animals!

- Not from the show itself, though related. Watching TV with New Zealand tweeters always yields the most…interesting insights and commentaries.

Well that’s all we have for now. Let us know what you think if you caught the episode, if you haven’t seen it go watch the full episode HERE. If there’s one thing, however, to take away from the pilot is that the IT people see everything. EVERYTHING.

Let’s all tune in next week at 8:30pm on TV3 to catch the next episode as the mystery continues to unfold!