JawkwardLOL

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Accent Tag?

My family spent an extensive portion of my formative years living in America. I was 3 years old when we first arrived and I was 8 when we finally came back to New Zealand, so it’s safe to say that the Californian accent was pretty ingrained at this point. Shucks even now, 16 years since we lived in the states (with the occasional visit here and there) I still have a bit of an American twang. I still get asked if I’m American, or whether I’m American Samoan (even the notion) and I’ve come to just accept it. Which is a little unfair because when I visit family in the US I’ve been mocked for my Kiwi accent and yet in New Zealand I’m questioned about my American twang. As a kid growing up I always felt a bit alienated because of this, nowadays it’s a great conversation starter. Not that I actively seek out social interaction. What on earth do you take me for? A fully functional human being? Preposterous!

Anecdote: I worked part time in a retail store all through college (high school) and university. One of my jobs was to make the announcements over the intercom. I’ll be honest, for the most part I dicked around and used ridiculous accents, it got to the point where it would just sound weird if I spoke normally. Despite this, I’d only been complained about all of three times, only two of which were valid. That is, when I made an announcement with an Indian accent, when I made an announcement with a really really bad Russian accent and finally when I spoke without attempting any random accent at all. The first two were valid complaints, the third one notsomuch. I can understand people picking out fake Indian accents (unless I’m the super vedi good?) and the really bad Ruski accent, however some customer complained after I made an announcement in my normal speaking accent. It was ‘really bad because [I] was trying too hard to do a Canadian accent and that it was offensive and just the worst attempt at an accent [they’d] ever heard.’ The only person offended that day was me.

 

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JawkwardLOL Presents a teaser for ‘Shit Samoan Mums Say’

We’ve seen a lot of ‘Shit (insert adjective) Mums Say’ and they’re always a good laugh. However so far I haven’t seen one that really speaks to me as a Samoan person with a Samoan mum. So we decided that I should change that. For our first youtube video we’ve uploaded a teaser consisting of material that may or may not be based on actual interactions with my lovely mother. Basically we realised we had made a JawkwardLOL youtube channel but hadn’t uploaded anything, so I filmed a few scenes as my mum, edited it and chucked it up. The quality is crap but- well, if by some stroke of awesome, the video gets views and people like it we’ll be motivated to make more videos with much better quality.

Have a look and maybe subscribe?

3 Comments Posted on by Mata Miranda, TV Reviews, TV Talk

Miranda 3×02: What a Surprise

Well hello imaginary friends, sorry this review’s a day late but what can I say I lead a ‘what I call’ exciting life. Meaning I mowed the lawn yesterday and it tired me out completely. It was an eventful task, you see I had to move the lawn mower over concrete to get the last patch of grass on the other side. I’m not familiar with mowers (or manual labour) so I had no idea how to do this without breaking a blade. I lifted the blasted thing, it’s freakin’ heavy, at an odd angle and it started smoking profusely and stopped working. The lawn mower’s somewhat new and also belongs to my mother so when it stopped working so did my heart. Oil started dripping and the thing you pull to start it wouldn’t pull. Mum kept yelling out why the lawn mower was off and each time I heard her voice I about passed out from fear. I was also in a dress so it provided no layering should she find her lawn mower broken and decide to come at me with the machete. I tell you now when I looked up and saw my mum standing there, the machete she uses to attack weeds in her garden with in her hand, I contemplated faking a seizure. However by some sheer stroke (pun) of luck I pulled the string and the engine roared to life. You have no idea how narrowly I avoided death yesterday, Samoan mums are renowned for their quick tempers and boomerang jandals, but my mum? She’s renowned for her quick tempers and even quicker machete thrust. Heh, thrust.

Right, Miranda! Sorry about the long anecdote now on to the episode! First of all. Penny for, what I call, Power! Wouldn’t that be just a little bit terrifying? Yet still ‘such fun!’ I’m sorry but tax break for anyone willing to marry Miranda? Oh Penny, you are, what I call, bloody hilarious. Tax evasion: SUCH FUN.

Big News: Gary has been dating and is now an item with someone named Rose. Miranda’s face was nothing compared to mine. How dare they mess with my OTP? When Miranda throws food in Rose’s face, priceless, in fact any interaction between Miranda and Rose is hilarious. Although Miranda is borderline, outright mean. It’s not really Rose’s fault that Gary is one half of my OTP. In all seriousness however I think it’s necessary for Miranda to not be so hung up on Gary, surely if they were meant to happen they would have happened already. Granted they have but I believe they need to be apart and emotionally attached to other people in order to fully appreciate each other.

Because “Who wouldn’t want a bit of this? You, want a bit. Want a bit of this. I’m aware it’s gone weird, camp and slightly threatening. Sorry.”

We end up in the club where Miranda meets Michael because Tilly has a freakout about being in their mid-30s, single and doing some curry exam. Sh convinces them they need to go out on the pullingtins. Tilly-isms. However it takes Gary and his girlfriend jogging and winding up in Miranda’s flat and asking to shower in her house (what? Why? Who does that?) to convince her. While both Tilly and Stevie find guys to dance with fairly quickly Miranda, dancing a bit like a thunderbird who needs a wee, does her usual fine job of attracting men with her idiosyncrasies. Read as: not very well at all. Until, Michael! The reporter who called Miranda ‘lovely’ in It was Panning! Sorry but Miracheal is kind of an adorable name.

I hope he doesn’t go the way of Danny from the first episode of series 2, one episode and gone, which is unlikely now that he’s legitimately her boyfriend. They’re adorkable. I mean, he calls her QUIRKY. And this guy came back despite how many embarrassing moments he caught Miranda in. Also, they both had a hunch!
Trust Miranda to be arrested for impersonating a police officer. Trust her mother to suggest they swap clothes when the police leave the room so that Miranda could make it to her date on time. That entire scene had me in stitches.

Things that continue to work for this show:

  • Miranda breaking the fourth wall and including the audience in her bits. Even better when someone breaks the wall with her. ‘All night long, ALL NIGHT, ALL NIGHT.’
  • Don’t sing- BURSTS INTO SONG.
  • Miranda and Stevie’s friendship. ‘Got a second date, got a second date!’
  • Tilly-isms.
  • Such fun! This year’s laugh.
  • Always ending up half naked somewhere.
  • ‘You know when you get nervous socially, you end up lying to impress?’ Yes, Miranda will never stop doing this and in this episode she’s a special constable volunteer police and scuba dives. But we all do it, completely fine.
  • First cousin Benji.
  • Helloo and good mowwwning. Nik naks, nikkity naks. The wobbilly, bobbilly fleshy bits. CRINGE WALK.
I shall you leave you to ponder this important question… WHERE’S CLIVE?!
Leave a comment Posted on by JawkwardLOL Jawkward, Life Stories

Tweets4Treats Jawkward got treated to a Girls Night Out. Acca-AWESOME!

If there’s one thing we love here at JawkwardLOL it’s free stuff, and people or companies that give us free stuff are not only the bees-knees but…yeah I lost momentum. Two weeks ago Jess got some tickets that magically turned into a night’s stay at a hotel all by tweeting @TelecomNZ asking for a treat using the hashtag #tweets4treats.

Jess then proceeded to ’round up her peeps’ which, of course, included me! JawkwardLOL, Jess’s mum and our friend Heather (@heathderby) had NO idea what we were in for, but boy were we excited.

Well, save for Jess’s mum who refused to believe anything until she was sitting in the hotel room. Bless her. Although with Telecom refusing to tell Jess more than what was indicated in those initial tweets there was a touch of nervousness about us.

And when we spotted a limo outside. Hoooomahgherrrrrr!

However it then disappeared and Jess’s mum nodded her head wisely before looking at Jessica with knowing eyes, an ‘I knew it’ beginning to form on her lips. A few minutes of confusion later we were meeting Suzie and Guy (the Camera guy) who would be our Telecom Tweets4Treats reps. The limo WAS for us, after the initial OMGs and WOWs were out of the way we were in the limo and off to- well we still didn’t know. But boy were we excited!

Waivers were signed, initial introductions were made, in between bouts of tweeting. If it wasn’t apparent before, Suzie and Guy would become familiar with our tweeting habits, or rather addictions. Suzie informed us our first stop wouldn’t be the hotel, and before long we were at East Day Spa for manicures. My first worry was not being able to tweet while my hands were occupied and I was forced to admit that sometimes I tweet with my nose. Nothing wrong with that. Am I right?! Once our nails were done, we were transported to our hotel where a crowd of our adoring fans had to be held back by security.

Our fans were crazy…invisible. The elevator ride up to our hotel room was filled with the relief that we weren’t attacked by Jawkwardians.

And of course the anticipation of the view we didn’t know we would be greeted with. It was pretty amazing. We were pretty amazed.

The view was a treat.

So were the treats. Just ask Jess.

We were still amazed when they took us to the movies to see Pitch Perfect. Which, by the way was Acca-Amazing.

Acca-believe-it.

Upon arriving back at the hotel we discovered even more treats!

Suzie and Guy (the camera guy) were kicked out of our room and we settled in for a night of kicking back and enjoying the life.

There may have also been some singing of One Direction and Justin Bieber whilst Jess’s mum watched some movies in the other room on the ol’ iPad.

Jess was particularly keen on dancing to ‘Baby.’

She certainly was ‘One Less Lonely Girl’

Practicing our stalker skills.

Jess and I stayed up until the early hours of the morning discussing business matters and the status of our friends. We couldn’t get enough of the view, basically we could not part with it. And that’s why it’s taken so long to post about it (not because of my general lazy uselessness). Just thinking about the hotel life, and how epic it was, makes me sad to come back to reality. The next day:

We tried to eat our breakfast in moderation.

We tried to catch Suzie and Guy (the camera guy) unawares.

And we failed miserably on both accounts.

Our exit interview was recorded and then we were delivered to Jessica’s house. Um… can we go back?

P.S if this happens to actually air on TV, know that we’ll be making fun of ourselves a WHOLE lot more than any of you ever could.

2 Comments Posted on by JawkwardLOL Jawkward

Top 5 Jawkward Moments During the London Olympic Opening Ceremony

So if, like us, you live in the Southern Hemisphere and were up SUPER early to catch the London Olympics Opening Ceremony. Well done! As a special treat we here at JawkwardLOL present you with the opportunity to perv some more at the Fijian flag bearer’s oiled body. His name, for those who weren’t paying attention and/or didn’t immediately Google it, is Josateki Naulu. I’m guessing some of us will be following Judo a lot more enthusiastically this year. Like that drummer in the pic, also starstruck by Jo’s pecks.

However without further adieu we present for discussion:

The Top 5 Most Jawkward Moments/Observations from the London Opening Ceremony.

5. The girls wearing the signs with the names of the countries on them also had FACES ON THEIR DRESSES. Did anyone else feel like those girls’ dresses were staring into your soul? Judging you? Just me? I’m not surprised.

[Pictures Omitted due to Creepiness]

4. The look of absolute enthusiasm on the Queen’s face throughout. I mean, nothing seemed to make this woman smile. I don’t even think jumping out of that helicopter seemed to phase her. Except perhaps just before she jumped, when she managed to smile for a candid shot. Aw your Majesty, you’re looking especially fine in this photo.

3. This guy, crouching to get in the shot, look at his sneaky smile.

What’s awkward is that his smile suggests he did more than just crouch down. And yes, even while being applauded the Queen’s expression borders on bored, if not displeased.

2. What’s more awkward than someone turning up uninvited and uncleared to a VIP event? The girl who gate-crashed the Indian athletes march! I can’t even. I mean, rude. But she did it with such glee, I mean look at her.

That’s a gleeful smile if I ever saw one. She is immensely pleased with herself. This is awkward for so many reasons, how did she get out there? She stands out like a sore thumb. Security’s got some ‘splainin’ to do. Look at the man behind the flag bearer…he looks piiiiisssssed. Also, she looks like she purposely wore colours that clashed with the Indian athletes’ black and yellow. If she was trying to hide in plain sight, she failed.

1. And the Numero Uno most Jawkward moment of the opening ceremony- when that German dignitary looked like he was giving the Nazi salute to the German athletes. He might have just been waving, but you gotta admit it looks a LOT like he’s about to yell out HEIL!

Pay special attention to Camilla in the back with her ‘Oh my gosh, *giggle* is he doing what I think he’s going?’ look on her surprised face and Boris beside her about to piss himself from laughing so hard.

In fact Camilla and Boris seem to both think this guy is absolutely hilarious.

Click for a clip.

And there we have it, hope the rest of the Olympics go without a hitch…gotcha! We’re hoping for as many JawkwardLOL moments we can get. Although I hope they don’t mess with North Korea anymore than they already have. Let’s not tickle the pickle and release the beast. You know, poke the yolk. Aggravate the Nuked up state. Just don’t fuck with North Korea, okay? I don’t want my next post to be sent from within a bunker, or worse- from beyond the grave.

Until next time, let us know of any JawkwardLOLlympic moments as they unfold. Comment! Tweet! Send us a message via Owl if you have to. Just talk to us, otherwise Jess might cry a little…in her pants. Like Boris.

(I also accept notes slipped under my door.)

Happy Hunger Games- I mean JawkwardLOLympics every one!