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5 Steps To Having an Awesome #NZSecretSanta 2014 Experience!

#NZ Secret Santa

It’s that time of the year the time when the Twitter folk of New Zealand get their Twitter sleuthing hats on and step up their gift-giving game to partake in ‘NZ Secret Santa’. NZ Secret Santa was started by one @websam in 2010, who wanted to focus only on growing pumpkins and let the cool guys over at NZ Post take the reins in 2012. Since then it’s become quite the organised event with a Santa Storehouse so that you don’t have give out your address willynilly, and an epic elf service that stores the gifts, and only sends out gifts to those Secret Santas who have actually sent a gift! You’ve got to give to receive! And if you don’t give, you still give because the gift that was meant for you goes to Christchurch City Mission. Great huh? Also, NZ Post donates $1500 if there are 1500 participants, $5000 for 5000 signed up participants, or $10,000 if there are 10,000 participants.

So be a sport and sign up and participate because what’s more exciting than spreading some cheer? Other than a new episode of Game of Thrones that is. Seeing as regristrations open tomorrow we thought we’d talk about how to make this year’s #NZSecretSanta an awesome experience, both for returning Santas and new ones.

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

Step 1: Follow @nzsecretsanta and Register.

Link your Twitter account to a New Zealand Post online account. It’s easy-peasy, just follow the instructions. Seriously, it’s really easy. Just do as we do.

Mean Girls♥ (Scenes)

Step 2: Tweet! It’s no fun if you’re a Silent Egg.

Just tweet, okay? You can tweet as per usual, if you’re not a prolific tweeter then at least try to make an effort. Hell, tweet about your interests, you can even drop a hint or two if you like, or be as blunt as Jess: “Just because I am an accountant does not mean I want a calculator”. And if you think your tweets are not showing off your personality, add in your personal website, instagram, or links to things you like in your bio. Just keep in mind nobody likes a Demanding Darcy. “I like wacky socks” is good, “GIVE ME WACKY SOCKS” notsomuch.

christmas animated GIF

Oh and remember to use the hashtag: #nzsecretsanta.

Step 3: Stalk Your Recipient Like There’s No Tomorrow.

Get up in there. Obviously we don’t condone actual stalking, because that’s weird and not at all cool, we’re talking getting to know your recipient without alerting them to the fact that you are their Secret Santa. This is where all your days spent online stalking exes, crushes and frenemies come in handy. Don’t act like you don’t do it. But seriously you have to up your twitter stalking game once you find out who you’ve got and Veronica Mars your way into finding out what they like, from links of any websites they have, to their twitter conversations and other online activity. Word of advice, though, don’t start following the person straight away. Stalking is an artform. Put them on a private list or follow a bunch of people using the #nzsecretsanta timeline at once, it’s a great time to get exposed to new tweeters, anyway. Fingers-crossed you get someone fun who hasn’t set their twitter account to private and isn’t a Silent Egg.

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

Step 4: Get them a Kickass Gift and SEND IT.

This is important, after you’ve sleuthed to your heart’s content, get around to actually sending your gift to the Santa Storehouse to be processed and sent off to your recipient. Which should be easy because you would have registered and have been told how to do it here. Try to be a bit early, definitely in before the 10th of December, especially if some people may have supplied work addresses and will be on leave nearer to christmas. Giving a gift is a great feeling because you’ll know that your recipient will feel like Glen Coco.

mean-girls-movie-quotes-67

And your gift doesn’t have to be super expensive to be cool (in fact you’re supposed to keep it about $10 if you’re buying). The best gifts are the thoughtful ones. So be creative and most importantly SEND IT IN. Because if you don’t send it, know that this will be you:

Mean-Girls-Christmas-snapes-family-and-friends-32952149-500-144

Step 5: Tweet About What You Get ^_^

It’s not fun unless we’re all shoving our cool gifts down each other’s throats, in a non-graphic or violent way, so tweet, insta, facebook and snapchat all the photos of the gift your amazing NZ Secret Santa got you. Note that Jess, below, got One Direction stationary instead of a calculator because her teeny bopper personality shined through her tweets.

Once again, remember to use #nzsecretsanta for all them humblebrags, come Christmas it should be the humblebrag hashtag. Unless it winds up being Jaded Central. But let’s not dwell on the (possible) negatives, and pledge as Awesome Secret Santas to follow the 5 Steps to an enjoyable NZ Secret Santa experience.

HAPPY #NZSECRETSANTA 2014!

mean-girls-movie-quotes-31

Some Key Dates for 2014 to keep in mind:

13 Nov, that’s tomorrow, registrations open.
19 Nov, get in quick because this is when registrations close.
21 Nov, find out who you get to stalk, I mean get to be Secret Santa for.
10 Dec, you need to have your gift sent BY this date.
19 Dec, know that your gift should be on its way!

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

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A JawkwardLOL Understanding of ‘Throwing Shade’

‘Shading someone’ isn’t talking smack, yeah who would’ve thought? Upon delving into the neo-definition and short evolution of the slang term ‘shade’, and what it now means when you ‘shade’ someone, I’ve discovered a colourful history and the surprisingly complex nature of a term I had originally associated with basic smack talk.

The term ‘shade’ is thought to originate from Paris is Burning, a 1990 documentary on Harlem drag balls, when renowned drag queen Dorian Corey explains what ‘shade’ and ‘throwing shade’ is:

“Shade is, ‘I don’t tell you you’re ugly, but I don’t have to tell you because you know you’re ugly.’ And that’s shade.”

In fact it would appear that ‘throwing shade’ dates back to as early as 1925:

“Most often associated with Black English, but it is also said to be used among gay and cross-dressing performers and club-goers. Etymological Note: Probably related to shade, v., which means “to defeat, to outdo” and dates to at least as early as 1925 and also to the far more common put in/throw in the shade with the same meaning.”

Shade, in the context of popular culture, is an intricate weaving of language and subtle, passive aggressive, innuendo. It’s rather a show of wit and mental prowess. Now picking up on it and responding in the appropriate manner takes just as much wit, as shown here by Mariah Carey.

In usurping Nicki Minaj’s attempt to shade Mariah Carey, note Nicki’s use of the past tense ‘was’ when referring to how great a song ‘All I Want For Christmas’, Mariah’s response is a good example of counter-shading. She does not outright say that Nicki’s music isn’t on par with her own but rather, by highlighting the far reaching success of her own music and its continued popularity well over a decade later, she subtly insinuates the brevity of Nicki’s success.

It takes intelligence and quick wit to expertly ‘throw shade’. If you have any of your own examples of ‘throwing shade’, please be sure to hit that comment button.

3 Comments Posted on by Mata Blogging, Twitter

Roast Busters, Rape and the People Who Victim Blame.

I wasn’t going to broach the subject here, because Lord knows I’ve exhausted the topic enough on twitter, however the more tweets I come across of people blatantly slut-shaming and victim-blaming the more I wanted to make a quick post about the nasty vindictive attitudes these people have in regards to rape, rapists and victims.

Now don’t get me wrong, the overwhelming general public reaction, once the story broke, to the Roast Busters has generally been that of outrage. However there continues to be an alarming amount of people (we’re looking at you RadioLive’s Willie Jackson and John Tamihere) choosing to slut-shame and victim-blame the girls, with others even defending the Roast Busters’ actions.

It’s bad enough that the Police handled the situation rather poorly, having made no convictions despite three informal complaints and even a formal complaint made two years ago by a, then, 13-year-old.

It’s bad enough that these girls were raped (because that’s what it was) and then shamed on a social media site.

It’s bad enough that these boys thought that what they were doing was alright and even had other people think the same, painting their abhorrent behavior as that of ‘boys being boys who need to grow up’ or overlooking it altogether.

But to then flip it around and blame the girls for the abuse inflicted upon them? No. It’s not okay to then make statements implying that these girls should have known what they were in for. It is not okay to say that what occurred to them was their own fault for being where they were and acting a certain way as to encourage the perpetrators- completely ignoring the fact that girls as young as 13 were exploited, violated and humiliated.

It’s not okay, it’s deplorable.

Trigger Warning: The following Victim Blaming/Slut Shaming/Rape Apologia will contain stupid to the 10th degree and will make you question your faith in human decency.
I came across people who asserted that the girls shouldn’t have been going out and drinking at 13 anyways, that they were garden tools who cried rape after the fact and that the boys shouldn’t be blamed for their actions.

  • Get drunk? Expect rape. Because, why are you even out of the house?

drinkgetrapedwhywere13yroldsout

drinkandexpectrape

  • The girls ‘claimed rape’ / ‘played the victim card’ afterwards once they were named and shamed on facebook. Because, garden tools.

hoesmad

Screen Shot 2013-11-08 at 1.23.50 am

claimrapevictimcard

  • Is rape hilarious?

roastbusterfunny

  • Roast Busters’ actions weren’t illegal because the girls followed them, the girls ‘put themselves in that situation’. It’s not rape, it was consensual sex between a Roast Buster and an intoxicated and often underage girl. So, these guys are ‘innocent until proven guilty’. If you agree at all with these statements then you, and the people below who do, should have a read of the Laws regarding rape, and consent to sex, in New Zealand. I’ve picked out the pertinent sections for clarification.
128A Allowing sexual activity does not amount to consent in some circumstances
  • “(1) A person does not consent to sexual activity just because he or she does not protest or offer physical resistance to the activity.
  • “(4) A person does not consent to sexual activity if the activity occurs while he or she is so affected by alcohol or some other drug that he or she cannot consent or refuse to consent to the activity.
134 Sexual conduct with young person under 16

  • “(1) Every one who has sexual connection with a young person is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 10 years.

    In this section,—

    • “(a) young person means a person under the age of 16 years

aintrapeIFroastbustersinnocentnocomplaintnoraperapistsntguilty

The ignorance doesn’t just perpetuate rape culture, it informs the way these crimes are investigated and more importantly how the victims are treated and viewed both by those around them and by authority figures (looking at you investigating officer who advised a 13-year-old that she shouldn’t have gone out in clothes that basically ‘asked for it’). The thoughts and views of a select few I’ve come across on twitter and facebook indicates why too many rapes go unreported.

What does victim blaming promote, other than the idea that a person is at fault for something someone else does to them? Despite the ignoramus group I’m referring to, the overall sentiments from the public make me slightly optimistic for the future. I’m looking at you, companies who’ve pulled their ads from Willie and JT’s RadioLive show. Because no matter the circumstances, rape is rape and it’s never okay. People shouldn’t be taught ways in which to avoid getting raped, instead everyone should be taught to respect each other as human beings and to not rape.

- Mata

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Spare us from Brain-Clogging Misogynistic Drones

Two days ago, sitting at my desk somewhere in Auckland, I decided to check my tweets. Scrolling through my entertaining, heavily trafficked, Twitter timeline there were a few tweets that caught my eye, hilarious comments about life, informative tweets about current affairs, the odd retweeted misogynistic joke which made me furrow my brow, and then there was a tweet or two about a columnist named Bob Jones.

At the time I did not give any thought to the correlation between the last two things. In fact, I thought nothing of it. I had to sign out as I was a guest speaker in the lunchroom about the importance of having reading material or a friend to talk to during your break, afterwards I regaled a colleague about my tweets, leaving out my Twitter-handle for obvious reasons.

At the time I was voicing my dislike for the stupidity of misogynistic parody accounts and the lack of originality prevalent in ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’ jokes. My colleague called over another colleague, a male, to join in the debate but he interrupted and told me my topic of conversation was actually blowing up on the New Zealand Twitter scene as a column posted by a Mr Bob Jones was currently being criticised for its rather mind-numbing misogyny. “Excellent! Let’s pull up your timeline, then,” I urged, and, unsurprisingly, both colleagues concurred.

Accordingly we read the Bob Jones hashtag and many tweets from irate users, both male and female, in regards to Mr Jones’ NZH column made me exceedingly curious.

I read the post in question, the title itself was enough to set off alarm bells, and it wasn’t until he really got into the ‘unintended consequences’ of replacing traffic lights with roundabouts that things became and remained chaotic. His misogynistic tirade describing the unanticipated ‘women problem’ caused what could only be likened to a brain embolism.

The problem, with Bob Jones and his crippling misogyny, isn’t new. In fact, about one hundred per cent of his columns are filled to the brim with gender, and sometimes racial, stereotyping, sexist jokes and self-appreciation all written with the conviction of a privileged white-male, causing multiple embolisms in the brains of intelligent people who happen across his columns.

This isn’t an attack on the man, rather his narrow-minded, antiquated, views on women, life and the world. It’s an attack on the fact that he thought it okay to state that while he ‘normally doesn’t condone police violence’ he’d make an exception for women drivers and that the police would be doing ‘God’s work’ by going to the homes of the women complaining about the speed with which he drove (in order to surpass the incompetent women drivers driving slowly in his overpriced vehicle) and ‘beating the crap out of them and burning their houses down’. It is a condemnation of his constant perpetuation of misogynistic ideals.

If we were to complete a two-question ‘tick the box’ form, after reading a Bob Jones opinion piece, what would the two questions be? The first would no-doubt be a question of whether or not the piece offended you and why, with options ranging from ‘yes, because this is the most ridiculous piece of trash I’ve ever read’ to ‘yes, please tell this man that the year is 2013 and not 1913′ with everyone ticking each box, even the one that says ‘yes, but who is Bob Jones?’ The second question would be related to age, and there will be one answer, ‘you’re not too old to learn new tricks’ namely how to not be sexist.

To overcome the pain in my brain from reading too many Bob Jones articles I read more tweets about Bob Jones (#BobJones) and the following pieces by what I am assured (only by the sheer fact that they are not Bob Jones) are decent human beings.

This following tweet may be my favourite.

2 Comments Posted on by Mata Blogging, Jawkward, Life Stories

Mum thinks I need Jesus.

You know your mum thinks you need Jesus when she brings you a huge bible from Samoa. Think I’m kidding?

I am not kidding. This is not a dud, this is not a drill- we’re talking 42 (guesstimation) point size font larger than life scripture. This wouldn’t be a post if Jess didn’t think it was hilarious. I’m not as amused, however I am the one with the huge holy book. Also, it’s all in Samoan. My Samoan was getting rusty.

To illustrate just how huge this thing is. It’s bigger than my 13″ Macbook pro.

Duly noted, mum. I most certainly will let Jesus take the wheel from here on out when making all of my decisions.

Leave a comment Posted on by Mata Blogging, Life Stories, NZ TV

The Price of a Kidney.

Kidneys

Tonight, or last night as I note that it is now five minutes to two in the morning, I watched TV3’s 3rd Degree presents The Vote and even participated in the debate. Texting in was free, take that X Factor NZ. The subject being something a few of us will most definitely encounter, if not in our own lives than at least through someone we know or people we encounter:

‘Our kids - The problem’s not poverty, it’s parenting. Do you agree?’

I voted no, by the way, going against the grain it would seem. Poverty plays a huge role in ensuring that the lives of children in this country, and anywhere abuse/malnutrition is a prevalent issue, is sub-par. However it would appear that most of whoever was voting on all of the platforms offered by the show believe that the problem does in fact stem from bad parenting. I may have voted against the idea that parenting is the problem for reasons like a parent’s inability to provide the bare minimum for their children if they don’t have the means, however to be honest I’m of the mind that it’s a mixture of both. A parent, drowning in poverty, can’t completely focus their energy on their child alone when they’ve got to figure out how to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table and the electricity going. It would seem so easy to say things like ‘it’s down to the parents to be good parents and prioritise’ when you don’t have to wonder each week whether you’re going to have enough money to pay the bills. Like Celia Lashlie pointed out ‘the only people who say it’s not about the money are the people who have money.’

Poverty is the state of being extremely poor, or the state of being inferior in quality or insufficient in amount. Now although this definition pertains to the party in question’s financial situation I can’t help but start to wonder at what point, for a person living in squalor, does it go from being the state of being inferior in quality to just being inferior. It’s no secret that no one wants to feel inferior, however when you’re unable to financially provide certain amenities for your family, or you’re part of a family that seems to perpetually be stuck in the poverty rut, you start to feel that you’ve become your financial problems. That is to say that you begin to believe the root of it all is you, and that’s what blaming it on the parents seem to perpetuate.

I understand the argument that some parents are spending the little money they happen to get on stupid, selfish, things like cigarettes, alcohol and gambling. But that’s because it’s more than just bad parenting, or poverty, it’s an amalgamation of both! A cycle, even. Poverty breeds ignorance that leads to bad parenting, which leads to poverty, that often leads to making desperate choices that are in conflict with what constitutes being a good parent and these decisions impact the next generation who grow up in poverty and so on and so forth. Those who voted for bad parenting can’t honestly expect us to believe that in order to make things right you have to treat everyone the same and just teach the parents to be better with what they have. Because you can’t honestly say that people living in poverty have the same opportunities as those who are not.

Now in saying this, does anyone know how one goes about selling a kidney on the black market? You laugh, but if you’ve managed to read all the way down to this here last paragraph I would wager you have the mental dexterity and endurance of someone who knows how to get out of a tight jam. A financial jam. Yes, staying topical! Seriously, hit that comment button or tweet me with some information. No harm in shopping around, you only need one kidney to survive. If you’re in need of one [stage whisper] kidney, or perhaps you have something to say about the poverty vs parenting issue, then leave us a comment. (Mainly if you have information about how one goes about selling one’s kidney though.)

- Mata

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Liebster Award Shenanigans.

The-Liebster-AwardIn all honesty we were ready to throw in the towel and chalk this up as our first failure, however I persevered and here we are. By we and our I really mean I and my. Jess fulfilled her part, sort of, she gave her answers to the lovely misswho’s questions. Granted, rather than pick a blog or two to nominate, Jess helped me decide that we were only going to choose three other blogs because we’re about quality, not quantity. Thanks for the nomination misswho! We shall now proceed to answer the questions, pay it forward and generate our own questions for the other three blogs to answer in their own Liebster Award post.

Le Rules

  • Post eleven facts about yourself
  • Answer the questions posed by your nominator
  • Pass the award on to eleven (we’re doing three) new recipients
  • Pose eleven new questions to your bloggers
  • Post a copy of the badge on your blog (type “Liebster Award” into Google images; you’ll find plenty to choose from).
  • Notify nominees

Eleven Facts About JawkwardLOL or Jess and Mata respectively.

  1. JawkwardLOL is the creation of one Samoan writer and one Fijian Indian accountant who decided to take their love of TV, books and movies and combine it with awkwardness to form this website.
  2. Mata: I fell into a creek the first day of my first visit to Samoa when I was ten.
  3. Jess: I live under a bridge.
  4. Mata: I have about ten books that are waiting to be read, including King of Thorns by Mark Lawrence. If you haven’t read Prince of Thorns I suggest you remedy this as soon as possible, and in turn I will remedy the fact that I have yet to start reading King of Thorns.
  5. Jess: I have given up trying to catch up on Bones.
  6. JawkwardLOL has a youtube channel www.youtube.com/jawkwardlol that you should subscribe to.
  7. Jess: I studied Accounting, Economics and Politics at uni. I am a well rounded individual.
  8. Mata: Was that a dig at me? I studied English and Politics before studying English at a postgraduate level.
  9. JawkwardLOL is a combination of our names, sort of. Jess just liked adding the letter J to things and I added the LOL at the end. Also there are a number of layers to the word, the unpacking of which would take multiple posts and a movie.
  10. Jess: I once watched a whole season of Doctor Who during the course of a day, at uni. My favourite doctor is the Eleventh, played by Matt Smith.
  11. Mata: I do not have a favourite doctor, I love them all equally.

Questions posed by misswho.

  1. Favourite guilty pleasure? Jess: Listening to the Hannah Montana soundtrack and watching Good Luck Charlie.
  2. Explain your blog title. Please refer to number 9 of facts about JawkwardLOL
  3. You’re on the TV show Misfits, and have been granted/cursed with a superpower that reflects your personality (for example, an irritable person may have Hulk-like rage attacks when provoked). What is your superpower and why? Jess: Misfits, easy. Teleportation. I would love to travel around the world.
  4. What is your favourite line from a book, movie, TV show, play, speech, poem or song? Mata: ‘Seems Madam? Nay it is, I know not seems.’ William Shakespeare, Hamlet. Act I Scene II.
  5. What are you currently working on? Mata: A script for our next video. Hopefully a skit.
  6. Most thumbed book in your collection? Jess: ‘The Freedom Junkies” by Cliff Taylor.
  7. What are you doing/what did you do this Valentine’s Day? (I’m eating chocolate with “Someone Like You” on repeat.) Mata: I legitimately cannot remember.
  8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, what music? Mata: All sorts, sometimes Bach or Beethoven. But currently I’m listening to Fun. ‘Why am I the one?’ Sometimes I can’t get anything written until I chuck on some My Chemical Romance, or Tupac.
  9. What are your pet peeves? Mata: Ignorance. Also, when people borrow books and don’t give them back- I don’t realise until I need it again and go to grab it but can’t find it and then have a panic attack because my books are extensions of myself.
  10. If you could offer one piece of advice to a beginner in your field, what would that be? Jess: I’m an accountant. My one piece of advice? Love money.
  11. What are you most proud of? Jess: You know what they say, pride comes before the fall. I’m paraphrasing because I’m not the words guy here.

Our Nominees

BitchAboutDevo: We know Kara from twitter. She’s boss.

JAFA Round the World: CW has some brilliant insights and beautiful photography!

Lost Coconut: A fellow coconut, malo malo, chronicling her life as a Samoan mother studying Ethnomusicology at the University of Melbourne.

Our Eleven Questions, should you choose to accept them:

  1. What TV character would you most like to have dinner with?
  2. Look to your left! The first item you see will be taken with you when you’re thrown into a vortex that lands you in Narnia. What is it?
  3. What did you have for lunch yesterday?
  4. If given the chance (yes, time-travel is available, as are weapons) would you assassinate Hitler?
  5. Favourite social media platform?
  6. Welp! You’re sucked into a movie! What kind and, if applicable, do you survive through to the end?
  7. Quick, the square root of 234567!
  8. Jack gives Mindy $2. Mindy loans a dollar to Jan. How much money does Derek have?
  9. Timelord or Wizard?
  10. You get a call from your favourite fictional character, who is it?
  11. If lightning strikes the sea, why don’t all the fish die? (First of all, do you know the answer. Secondly, bonus imaginary points if you know where that quote is from.)

Well, lovelies. I do hope you partake. Also, random reader who has happened across this website.