Game of Thrones 4×10 – The Children Review

Game Of Thrones Watch: Season 4 Finale - The Children image

Oh hello, so I may have missed a few episodes- we’re all entitled to a break, check the contract- but here I am to talk the season finale of Game of Thrones with anyone unable to walk into my room and have a full-on conversation with me about it. Talk about a finale! While nothing completely shocking happened, I posit that this was the biggest finale of the series so far. Just because the penultimate episode wasn’t as grand- I reckon- as earlier seasons’ penultimate episodes which always left their finales seeming a bit wanting.

Everyone should have seen it by now but just in case, beyond here be spoilers!

The aptly named episode, ‘The Children’, checked in with all the major players- save for the Boltons, Greyjoys, those at the Vale and the Tyrells- levelling the playing field ever-so-slightly and setting us up for further amazement come April (hopefully) 2015. Bran made it to the mystical weirwood tree, escaping very Ray Harryhausen skeleton-zombies and losing Jojen along-the-way (NOT how it happened it the book- Jojen just goes missing we don’t even know what happened to him) to meet the Children of the Forest. The Hound and Brienne’s epic swordfight turned into a brutal fight to the death, which left the Hound worse off, when Brienne figures out that Arya is…well Arya. Daenerys chained up her dragons, and the Lannisters continue to demonstrate the right and so so wrong way to love your family. Jaime and Tyrion, the right way. Jaime and Cersei, the worst way. Tyrion and Tywin, the long john way.

People will hate Dany for having to chain up Viserion and Rhaegal, however it had to be done. Granted the real danger- Drogon- escaped imprisonment. It’s a hard decision for Dany to chain up her babies, however she’s a ruler and she knows that her people must come first. It’s just a bit unfair that V and R cop it for D’s bad behaviour. The scene really packs a punch, no?

Remember when I wondered at how Shae and Tyrion’s relationship would end? They had altered Shae’s character and made her much more likeable until the moment she betrayed Tyrion at his trial. As soon as that happened I knew that this was coming, that shot of Tyrion sitting there with Shae’s head slumped upside down beside him is everything. Interesting that they chose not to mention Tysha, Jaime and Tyrion parted on good terms because of this, a far cry from how they depart in the book. Also, ‘wherever whores go’ was notably absent during that crossbow/privy scene. Or the fact that Tywin doesn’t in fact shit gold.

‘But you will fly’ finally some good news for Bran, but we know he can’t fly if he can’t even walk- right? Hodor. Seeing the Children was great, is the pyrokinetic old-as-balls kid-looking thing Leaf? I would imagine so, but she does not explicitly give her name so *shrug*. Bran warging into Hodor to help him fight is still so cool, if only someone could now teach Arya, Sansa and Jon to do the same consciously it would be awesome.

Speaking of Jon at the wall, it was nice of him to take Ygritte’s body back north of the wall and burn it there. A better funeral than some. Stannis, always a bit late, finally turns up at the wall. I liked his interaction with Jon, but not as much as Jon’s conversation with Mance. Have I mentioned how much I like that Davos is basically Stannis’ hype-man? Still no Val though. But Jon spotting Melisandre through the fire was rather foreboding.

Although it never ocurred in the book Brienne and the Hound’s fight was pretty awesome, if gruesome- although not as gruesome as the Mountain and the Red Viper’s. When Brienne Mike Tyson’d the Hound I was like NOPE, NOPE. I wondered if they were going to change how Arya leaves the Hound and I’m glad they kept it in. Arya on her way to Braavos is the most uplifting thing this season. Even if she’s on her way there because she’s all alone and feels that she has no one and no where else to turn to.

Honourable Mentions:
- RIP: To the girl Arya used to be, to Ygritte, Jojen and the Hound (?) and sure, to Tywin too. Oh and special mention RIP to Oberyn Martell, may your sand snakes avenge you.
- What’s Varys doing sitting next to the box Tyrion’s stowed away in on that ship? If he does go with him, which I’m not sure is what’s happening, it would be rather insteresting to see.
- Valar Morghulis. Valar Dohaeris.
- SPOILERS!!! Kinda
No Lady Stoneheart?!

Game of Thrones 4×05 – First Of His Name Review

Today’s lesson (adult) kids, is plan ahead. Game of Thrones has always delighted in seeing the best laid plans of Kings and men go awry. However sometimes, with enough know-how can-do cunning, your schemes will fall into place because you planted the seeds early and are a conniving son of a gun. The biggest reveal of “First of His Name” centered around one Littlefinger in a number of different pies from the get go- but where’s the kickback and when does the scheming end? Evidently it’s an ongoing endeavor. Something to keep one going.

But is scheming a better motivator than hate or vengeance? Motives, everyone has them. We’ve talked about how one’s motives can make or break a character, especially in a world where honourable intentions more often than not lead to your death. Just ask Ned Stark…or Robb. Oh wait.

Hate and a keen sense of justice/revenge fuels Arya, and this week in ‘The Hound Knows Best’ he clouts Arya over the head when she tries to stick him with the pointy end (Needle) and proceeds to tell her that her fancy footwork would be worth naught if confronted by someone whose will to win is stronger. The show pushes that idea at us like a street-corner drug dealer, the will to do anything is important and just having it is a damn gift. But what happens when others oppose it? What happens when your will comes up against anothers’? War, my dear. Conflict…everything that makes Game of Thrones such a cutt-throat environment. But what are the limits? Oberyn tells Cersei that they do not hurt little girls in Dorne, another dig at the fact that the Lannisters were involved in the murder of his sister and her children, and Cersei responds that little girls are hurt everywhere in the world.

Brienne seems to be suffering from an internal struggle, a little to do with ‘What To Do With My Unwanted Squire’ and a lot to do with ‘How The Bloody Hell Do I Find Sansa Stark?’. While Brienne and Pod’s scenes this episode were welcome, I didn’t particularly find them necessary beyond offering some comedic relief. Not that an episode with ample Hound and Arya time lack any comedic relief. Sure it’s undercut with moments of stoniness (when Arya says the last name on her list) but all in all the Hound and Arya’s segments never fail to give me a laugh or two.

Brann warging into Hodor (again) was awesome, except for the fact that Bran made Hodor kill a guy- sure Lock was ready to kill Bran but Hodor’s expression upon seeing the blood on his hands that fleeting impression of anguish- the confusion giving way to a the horror of realisation. Kristian Nairn does an impeccable job portraying our favourite gentle giant’s reaction and subsequent ‘compartmentalization’ as he hurries to cut Bran free at Bran’s orders. I like that this turn takes us closer to that moment where Bran and Jon’s paths almost cross but do not, it’s an interesting divergence from the book that Bran here is given the choice between reuniting with his brother and continuing on with the Reeds to his ‘destiny’. To find the three-eyed crow and that Weirwood tree, yes?

Favourite moment of the episode? Jon reunites with Ghost. After, you know, they kill all the mutineers.

This show is equal parts visually stunning and jarring, so many beautiful shots dispersed amongst harsh scenes of brutality.

 

The trailer sure did get me, I know Dany isn’t coming to King’s Landing any time soon but her putting the question forward about the possibility of taking it got me excited. And with the show, you never know. They’ve already, possibly, spoiled the bookreaders last week by introducing a character we only know in ‘myths and legends’. And throwing us some completely new-to-readers sequences and story-arcs so it wouldn’t surprise me too much if they change up Dany’s story even more than they already have. However Dany finally decides to do the responsible thing and ‘Do what Queens Do’ and rule. While Ser Jorah wonders how long before Daario gets his ins as he watches from the sidelines.

Until next week when we get to see Tyrion’s trial begin and YAAAAASSS YARA (Asha in the books) GREYJOY IS BACK TO BE A BADASSSSSS. KINGSMOOT KINGSMOOT KINGSMOOT. (We probably won’t get a Kingsmoot this early but at least she’s going to try to rescue her bro.)

Honourable Mentions:

- That scene where Lysa latches her face to Littlefinger practically screamed ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’.

- We’ve always known Lysa was crazy-cakes but wow. Interesting that they should have her reveal Littlefinger’s plot from the get go, but it gives us room for other dynamics I suppose.

- Poor Sansa, out of the pot and into the fire. So when does she find out that the person who’s just saved her, is likely to be the reason the majority of her family are dead?

- “Sister? Or Mother?” Margaery you are class, Cersei’s face though.

- The Reeds, putting it all on the line.

- Ramsay Snow you are a headcase but damn, looking forward to seeing more of you.

Game of Thrones 4×04 – Oathkeeper Review

I wouldn’t call this episode an all out filler, but- okay fine it was a bit of a filler wasn’t it? A few reveals, we already knew due to our super-sleuth skills, were unveiled in a seamless fashion (kudos to director Michelle MacLaren and scriptwriter Bryan Cogman). Readers of the series were probably scratching their heads at a few scenes that definitely were not in the books. All in all the episode wasn’t boring, no episode of Game of Thrones ever is, but it did give the viewer a bit of a breather- while still managing to illicit some shock and awe. Shock and awe, kids, give ‘em that shock and awe.

Before you go on- keep in mind these reviews come with built-in show spoilers, with book spoilers discussed below the Honourable Mentions- that is please don’t have a cry if you read a spoiler from the latest episode- why are you reading this if you haven’t seen it?

Daenerys shows us once again what it’s like to take a city and free some slaves but at what point do we tire of her campaigning in Essos? I say campaigning but Dany’s liberation of the slaves where ever she goes and leaving them without any governance can be seen as a little irresponsible and her actions somewhat tyrannical (her way or the high-way). While I do agree with her stance on the slaver’s bay masters being punished every child they killed to ‘prove a point’, Barristan offers good counsel when he warns her that sometimes answering ‘injustice with mercy’ might prove to be the better option. Of course Dany’s eyebrows dismiss his suggestion with grace. Greyworm is very persuasive when he and a few other Unsullied sneak into Meereen and rallies the slaves to join the Freedom Movement.

Interesting choice of language to write ‘Kill The Masters’ with on the wall. Was there a TARDIS nearby to translate the foreign language into English for us?

Last week’s uncomfortable rhymes-with-grape scene has some lasting effects- which does taint Jaime’s character’s redemption story only by a lot. Cersei’s interactions with him are clipped and as she continues to descend into alcoholism (much like a late husband methinks?) it stands to reason that not all of her anger and hatred doesn’t just stem from her grief and blind hatred for their younger sibling and Jaime’s refusal to also blindly hate a certain younger sibling. As always Tyrion’s and Jaime’s scenes together are both parts funny and poignant, because here’s a someone with which Jaime has what can be construed as a normal sibling relationship- even if it’s undercut by such a sad sad situation- don’t sing. And it’s getting more and more absurd. I’ll take one of them ‘Kingslayer Bros’ tees.

Changing the namer of the sword from Jaime to Brienne for the show fits much better somehow. Mostly because Brienne is much more of an Oathkeeper than Jaime is/was and highlights what Jaime wants to become.

And we check in with Sansa and Littlefinger (Petyr Baelish- in case you’d forgotten), interesting parallel there when Sana asks him what exactly it is he wants and his response being a calm ‘everything’ differs only in tone to a certain sexposition scene in season one where he says the same thing, but with much more gusto to a couple of his workers. Baelish should write a book, How To Play The Game Of Thrones And Keep Your Head, by Petyr Baelish, with an introduction written by Lady Olenna. Whoever called ‘it was the grandmother at the dining table, with poison’ wins a creepy man with ambiguous intentions- who helped grandmother with the poison. Sansa didn’t make the call but she managed to win herself a creepy man with ambiguous intentions anyhow. Right, and she finally escaped King’s Landing. Joys. Littlefinger working with the Tyrells, or rather more specifically the Queen of Thorns (and Sass) Lady Olenna, can you imagine how that correspondence would have gone? That would be worth an episode alone.

Bran and Co being captured by the disgusting mutinous defectors of the Night’s Watch was a wild deviation from the books. It definitely serves to slow down Bran’s larger story arc, I would imagine. Honestly, if Bran wasn’t so stupid Summer never would have gotten caught, how did they even catch Ghost? I can already tell Bran wouldn’t make a very good gamer, because surely he’s locked in enough practice by now to be able to make full use of Summer’s senses while warging- and he didn’t hear anyone smoshing up to him in the snow? C’mon son!

Now, I know what you’re all thinking what the hell happened at the end there? With the White Walkers (none of which appeared to be Coldhands- more on CH in Book Spoilers) and what appeared to be some sort of White Walker Turning Ceremony. I’m pretty sure this didn’t occur in any of the books, nor did any of the nasty scenes at Crastor’s Keep with the ex-brothers of the Night’s Watch. At least we now have an insight as to what went down with the babies Crastor was callously offering to the White Walkers.

Honourable Mentions:

- Oh hey Jon Snow was in this episode too, about to start his own campaign trail too? He’s best when he’s being sassy, and most of all when he’s being sassy to wannabe Lord Commander of Castle Black- Alliser, bitchface, Thorne.

- LEAVE HODOR ALONE! If they kill Hodor, the fandom will riot. No joke.

- Underrated comedic gold. Pod just looks so happy and when Bronn hands him Tyrion’s gift… oh the adorbs. Utter Miranda moment, btw, when he calls Brienne ‘sir’.

- Ser Pounce!!! You know, I imagined Ser Pounce a lot…tinier. I suppose with the recast of Tommen to be older they had to get an older cat? Also, didn’t Margaery give him the kittens?

- Until next week! Keep reading if you’ve read the books, or just don’t care- otherwise here’s the trailer for next week! Can they not tease us with the Khaleesi making her way to King’s Landing?

Book Spoilers!

- I thought that the White Walker holding the baby could have been Coldhands- and when the shot seemed to focus on its hands my hope surged but then it just turned out to be another White Walker taking a baby to its… White Walker Christening? With Bran and Co now seemingly stuck at Crastor’s keep, at what point do we meet- if we do at all- Coldhands? Perhaps he saves them from the disgustos, I just really hope those douchebags get some sort of comeuppance.

- Also was this scene essentially a spoiler for the book readers? Do we get an in depth chapter describing exactly it was that we witnessed? Is this the story that White Walkers tell their White Walker Babies when they get a bit bigger and curious and hit their White Walker parents with ‘where did I come from?’ You see, little one, an incestuous stork left you out in the cold for us. Before that we don’t know…eggs?

- Brienne’s on her way from misery to happiness, today? No, she’ll more than likely encounter Lady Stoneheart on her quest to save Sansa- with Pod in tow. They can’t not have Lady Stoneheart, because all that badassery needs to be visually rendered!

- Tyrion and Sansa being very certain that neither of the other one murdered Joffrey was a little bit adorable. But Tyrion then adding ‘at least not yet’ could be foreshadowing? Or a hint towards the prophecy Arya heard “I dreamt of a maid at a feast, with purple serpents in her hair, venom dripping from their fangs. And later I dreamt that maid again, slaying a savage giant in a castle built of snow.” We know that it’s Sansa at Joffrey’s wedding with the poisoned hairnet (necklace in the tv show), however interpreting ‘slaying a savage giant in a castle built of snow’ is tricky. Because she does rip her cousin’s doll’s head off (albeit accidentally) in a literal snow-castle- but would the prophecy foretell something so seemingly insignificant? Could the castle built of snow be Winterfell and the giant be…the Mountain or someone largely important. Or could Sansa be Littlefinger’s downfall? His sigil is the head of a titan, a mighty mighty titan- they’re sort of giants aren’t they?

- Are they trying to buy time with Bran’s story-arc because him meeting the Children of the Forest now would be far too soon, wouldn’t it?

Game of Thrones 4×03 – Breaker of Chains Review

GOT.CerseiTroubling episode, no? Well, more troubling than usual that is. Let’s talk about what transpired tonight on our favourite cutthroat show, Game of Thrones. Most of the episode consisted of the immediate aftermath of the Purple Wedding (a framed Tyrion, a Sansa on the run!) while the rest of it was spent playing catch-ups with some of our other favourites. Beware of SPOILERS.

‘Breaker of Chains’ sets us up for what is sure to be the trial of the century, preparing us for the far-reaching ramifications of Joffrey’s murder, interspersed with scenes of Dany at Slaver’s Bay, Arya and The Hound on their way to the Eyrie, Jon Snow, Samwell Tarly and Gilly at Castle Black- Littlefinger and- haha jokes, he’s no one’s favourite. Okay, maybe he’s someone’s favourite- but not mine.

But first thing’s first, should we get right into that scene? I think we should, because the fandom is split, I mean really split, about what occurred in the Sept between Jaime and Cersei. On one hand, this series has never shied away from using rape as a plot device, while it’s not pretty you should know what you’ve invested your time in, and on the other hand there’s a chance that something has been lost in the translation from the page to our screen that changed what occurred in the Sept from consensual sex to outright rape. As someone who sped-read through all five books in the span of a week after binge-watching the first season, yes it’s possible when you’re procrastinating, I won’t pretend to be an expert on the finer details. However having said that, this was one of the scenes that stuck in my mind for a bit after reading A Storm of Swords because of the ew factor. I mean, c’mon guys- nasty incest is already gross without the added factor of nasty rapey incest beside the corpse of your nasty inbred child in your world’s place of worship? Ya nasty.

In the book, the scene could be interpreted as consensual- although the fact that the chapter is told from Jaime’s POV kind of pulls that into question. All of the information that is given to us reflects his subjective perception of what’s going on, and upon a second/third glance at the scene, Cersei does also protest at the start in the scene on the page. So is it really consensual in the book? Portraying something completely from a particular character’s point of view is hard to do onscreen, the closest way to mimic the book’s format would be to have a voice-over narrating and that’s just all kinds of no, amiright? It could be that by simply taking what occurs at face value and translating it onto the scene, stripped of any internal focalisation, the show depicts a much more unbiased account of what went down in that Sept. Ya dig?

I don’t want to spend anymore time talking about it, because other things did happen in this episode, but I’m curious to see what others made of the scene other than the usual ‘ew, naaaasty incest again‘. I continue to lament Cersei’s lack of agency and how it’s informed the development of her character- and the continued perpetuation of the patriarchy and how shitty it is for women in Westeros. We’ve got fans yelling about how the Sept scene undoes Jaime’s development so far (losing a hand for saving Brienne from rape and all that jazz) but what of Cersei’s?

Say what you will about Cersei, but that woman loves her children. Her character is defined by the men around her, Cersei is the daughter of a power-hungry man who married her off to a drunkard that never really wanted her, and the female half of a twincestuous relationship- with the other half not hearing her say no on the occasions she does say no to nastiness- she hates her younger brother not just for his being a dwarf but for -in her eyes- killing their mother and perhaps one day bringing about her own demise. Not to mention the fact that she spawns a monster of a son- who by the very fact that he was male was given the power (if not the respect) she felt she deserved. She wants to be her father, but she can’t because she’s a woman. Oh to be a woman ‘of power’ in Westeros, huh? Kudos to Lena Headey for her performance. For someone who hasn’t read the books she sure can embody that haughty, crazily trying to make up for her complete lack of agency, ruthless and utterly protective of her children lioness rather well. Joffrey was a monster but, as I said last week, his death was a tragedy for someone- his mother.

Tywin, not too bothered by the death of his eldest grandson, merely points out to the next in line (the sweet-tempered Tommen) that he is the next in line and gives him a history lesson on what makes a good king- over Joffrey’s grave and in the face of his grieving mother. Cersei’s expression as they walk off is one of sad-realisation that her role, after everything she’s put in or sacrificed, is so reduced that she can’t even keep her children from dying or at the very least in her own care.

Someone, for whom Joffrey’s death was not a tragedy was the Queen of Thorns. While Margaery is unsettled by what she witnessed, further strengthening the idea for viewers that she wasn’t involved in her new husband’s early demise, the Queen of Thorns is quick to say what we we’re all thinking, “You may not have enjoyed watching him die, but you enjoyed it more than you would’ve been being married to him, I can promise you that.” Lady Olenna needs to be around to show me how to life like she does- and how to poison kings without any of the backlash.

It’s good to see Arya and the Hound doing well- and the Hound continually teaching Arya the facts of their hellish life. Even if it means smashing and stealing from a farmer and his daughter who did nothing but take them in and give them food- after Arya’s quick wits saw her easily lie to the poor man about the Hound being her father and fighting for the Tullys. Which brings me to a very important question that’s gnawed at me since the Red Wedding, what happened to the Blackfish? Catelyn’s uncle? I mean I know what happens to him in the books, sorta, but we haven’t heard a word about Arya’s baddass great uncle. If the larger theme of this episode is the idea of ‘survival of the fittest’, the Blackfish is sure to have survived the Red Wedding. The Hound really hammers the idea that the weak die and the strong survive into Arya’s head- reminding her that most of her family is without a head for thinking that their world was an honourable place where justice prevails and the good come out on top.

Closer to the wall we’re confronted with the danger of the Wildlings breach and what it means for those poor folk caught in the crossfire. Once again, the Wildlings are the fittest in this case and when those Thenns tell that young boy they’re going to consume his mother and father the idea that being part of ‘the fittest’ perhaps means losing most of your humanity. We get to see Jon Snow! And he’s showing some sound judgement in regards to how the Night’s Watch should approach the ‘Wildling Problem’. Seeing Ygritte exercising her right as a free woman was great, but man the brutal killing of innocent folk is always a difficult thing to watch.

Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones - Breaker of Chains

And finally Daenerys Targaryan, ending the episode with a bang. She catapults barrels full of broken slave collars, a symbolic move and one that should prove fruitful, working in her favour as she diplomatically navigates herself, again, into the position of the people’s champion- she has the eyebrow down pat. It doesn’t hurt that she is also a rousing orator and her champion, Daario, basically owned the slave masters of Meereen’s champion. Dany doesn’t use her dragons this time, choosing the simpler avenue- her words. For a young Queen who initially began with less agency than Cersei, she has become one of the main power holders of the show. Sure, it’s all the way across the Narrow Sea- but everyone knows that eventually Dany will find her way to Westeros. Eventually.

Honourable Mentions:

- Because I spent so much time up there on other things I didn’t get to discuss my favourite heartbreaking scene from the episode. Tyrion’s conversation with his squire, Podrick. You come away heartbroken and fearful- both for Tyrion and the most loyal squire in all of Westeros- because it’s just not fair, is it? I’m sorry, but if you didn’t feel anything during this scene you’re a monster. Because Pod not only tries to smuggle Tyrion all the things he refuses to betray him- thus putting a bulls-eye on his own back. Honour is a dangerous thing to have in Westeros, especially in King’s Landing.

- Ugh, Littlefinger returns. That slimey slimey man. Sure he saves Sansa- but why? Also, he knew what would occur at the wedding, because he had something to do with it? Why does he crush the necklace? Why have it given to her to take it, crush a stone and throw it down onto Dontos pin-cushioned corpse? Spoiler alert, I do believe the foreshadowing is strong in this one. Alayne Stone?
- “When it comes to love, I don’t choose sides.” Oberyn explaining bi-sexuality in less than ten words tho’. I will admit, while his seksi time scenes may be lulz- I feel it detracts from his overall baddassery. When Tywin interrupts to speak to Oberyn about poisons, serving as the third judge in Tyrion’s trial and whatnot you find that Oberyn’s poison backstory is really stripped down. There’s more to this Dornish man than seksii-times with both men and woman and his excellent wordplay- he founded his own sellsword company for Stranger’s sake. So here’s to the show giving us more bamf and less fudgery.
- Samwell and Gilly and little baby Sam join us, hi Cassie, this week. It’s understandable that Sam would be protective of Gilly- he’s a decent bloak if a bit of a dunce- so duncey everyone thinks he’s bullshitting about killing a Wight. However he just comes off as patronising and his efforts a bit in vain.
- BOOK SPOILERS AHOY! Seeing Gilly’s baby again makes me wonder, have they completely shafted the so-called Wildling Prince storyline? Mance Raydar’s wife, Dalla, his baby (the Wildling Prince) and Dalla’s hot sister Val are noticeably absent- both onscreen and unmentioned. It’s an odd choice considering the large part played by Val at the Wall, which involves the Wildling Prince- Gilly’s baby and the Red Woman and an eventual trip across the Narrow Sea.

Game of Thrones 4×02 – The Lion and the Rose Review

PurpleWedding

Here’s the thing, the end of ‘The Lion and the Rose’ made me rather happy and yet somewhat sad. I won’t lie, there’s a certain satisfaction that comes with the sort of ending that the Purple Wedding (deemed so by the fans) provided us with this episode. Because as Joffrey started to really struggle, and you realise that David Benioff and D. B. Weiss had pulled the glorious Purple Wedding forward and you start to feel that each cringe you endured before this point in the episode may not have been felt in vain, there’s a triumphant swelling as you recall just how much you hate this kid with the power of Seven Hells. And yet, as Cersei’s tears rolled down her face and the brutal final wheeze squeezes itself out of Joffrey’s purple, red-splattered, lips- you get the sense that this is heartache even if it isn’t yours, the audience’s.

The episode could be summed up nicely by Melisandre’s words to princess Shireen, “There’s only one hell, princess, the one we live in now.” The episode is tied together by this idea that the world our characters live in has always been hell and that in order to move through it they need to make sacrifices. So many sacrifices, whether for self-preservation or at the expense of others; sacrifices must be made. Valar Morghulis and all that jazz. The very principle on which George R R Martin, who also penned this episode, has always seemed to operate.

We start with Bolton’s bastard, Ramsay Snow, and Reek- oh Theon. I’m still on the fence about the identity of Reek being known from the get go. But seeing as there’s no reading Theon’s thoughts and putting two and two together for that satisfactory ‘a-ha’ moment for television, one must make do. And Alfie Allen’s brokenness is so well portrayed that the sympathy you feel for Reek in the books manages to manifest from the moment you see him on the show with Ramsay Snow in the woods. “If you can make it out of the woods, youuuu win!” Iwan Rheon’s complete glee is unnerving and a little frightening in a way that Joff’s hateful spite never was.

Who’s that female psychopathic archer with Ramsay, hunting down some poor girl, in the woods? Her name’s Miranda and she’s petty, we know that. I suppose we’ll discover more about her in episodes to come. Seeing just how cowed Theon’s become makes you realise that he’s sacrificed his dignity and the bare minimum of what made him human, in order to survive. Theon has become Reek, Ramsay’s ‘plaything’ as Roose Bolton puts it. However Bolton is more annoyed than amused by Ramsay’s flaying and maiming of the heir Ironborn who hold Moat Cailin, the only thing standing in his way of total control of the North. Not realising that Bran, Rickon are still alive and would post the biggest threat to taking the North.

Bolton sending his rabid bastard after Bran and Rickon upon discovering via Reek (reek rhymes with speak) that they’re alive should serve to keep those lamenting the loss of one of our most unsympathetic characters- for the sake of having someone to hate for their complete lack of redeeming qualities- placated. I mean until we get more of The Mountain, anyway.

Lannister brotherly bonding, I’ve always liked Jaime and Tyrion’s relationship. Which will become so complicated after the end of this episode, because you know Cersei’s always hated her little brother but Jaime’s always seemed to be Tyrion’s advocate, no?

In any case, Tyrion’s toast to Jaime wins this week’s ‘straight up’ award. “A toast, to the Lannister children; The Dwarf, the Cripple and the Mother of Madness.” Followed up very closely by his response to Joffrey trying to make him take part in the dwarf farce, an uncomfortable scene on all fronts. It’s so obvious from everyone’s expressions that Joffrey as king was never going to be in anyone’s best interest. Kid was batshitcray. Margaery appeared to have the hardest time concealing her distaste for her new husband.

How about the subtle (not so subtle at all!) clues as to who could be responsible for the regicide. See below in the Honourable Spoilers section. Poor Tyrion, now he’s being framed for the murder of his nephew and boy-tyrant, I mean king.

When Joffrey seemingly accepted Tyrion’s gift I held my breath and waited. Didn’t have to wait long for him to use Tywin’s gift of a sword made of Valyrian steel (the other half of Ned Stark’s sword- Sansa totally noticed) to needlessly annihilate the history book gifted to him by his uncle and former betrothed. Trust the deplorable little git to rub it in her face even farther, “Every time I use [Widow’s Wail], it’ll be like cutting off Ned Stark’s head all over again.” Sophie Turner has mastered the art of masking anguish while simultaneously exuding it.

Tyrion trying to get Shae off safely, was heartbreaking. In the books it’s clear, when we discover what we discover, that Shae never really loved Tyrion. In the show, well. They really made us like her, didn’t they? I really just don’t want this character development to not have been in vain. There’s something about Bronn’s demeanour when he assures Tyrion that Shae got onto the boat that just screams ‘lies!’ However we’ve known from the get go that Bronn’s a sell-sword through and through, he goes where the money goes. I know it’s not fair to think he might have been paid a handsome amount of money to look the other way should Shae not have safely been put aboard the ship to Pentos- but well, this is Game of Thrones. We don’t cry for spiders, or whores. Oh I don’t know, I think I’d cry for Varys and Shae, especially show-Shae.

Stannis warning Selyse about punishing Shireen was probably one of my favourite parts of the show. “She’s my daughter, you will not strike her.” Because Selyse doesn’t seem to like their daughter very much. And if she can’t burn Shireen at the stake, she seems happy to have Melisandre speak with the princess, who’s understandably upset about her mother’s brother being burned alive. “My uncle, he was kind to me.” The Red woman’s attempts to manipulate the girl fail a bit. As she doesn’t readily, like her mother, accept the Red Woman’s explanations.

“Afterword they aren’t ash and bone.” Shireen even has some on-point comebacks in response to Melisandre comparing a mother’s love after the pain of childbirth to those people being sacrificed to R’hllor. There’s no denying that Melisandre has power, I mean we’ve seen her birth the creepiest man-shadow-baby.

Speaking of creepy power, it was good to see some warging! Even if it mean more sullen Bran. Sullen Bran is the worst, however you can’t help but sympathise with the kid. Lacking legs, food and safety why wouldn’t he want to lose himself in the body of a direwolf? How about that weirwood premonition! Methinks I know what, or who, is a’comin’! Look for me, beneath the tree. North. (West?)

As we move forward, non-readers beware that the death of one tyrant is only the beginning. There are no winners here. Well, unless you’re the Red Viper- with quips like his Cersei’s going to need some salve for them burns. Hopefully she’ll share with Jaime, who made the mistake of warning Loras, like Loras doesn’t already know, off of Cersei.
Until next week, friends of the realm. Here’s to hoping Sansa gets the hell out of dodge successfully and we discover who’s pulling Dontos’ strings. Joking, I know who it is, if you’re curious you’ll find the answer below.

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Honourable (Spoilery) Mentions:

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- In the book Jaime doesn’t make it back to Kings Landing before the Purple Wedding, am I right? I swear I remember because Cersei blames him for Joffrey’s death- saying it was his fault for not being their to protect their son and Jaime thinking he didn’t really like the kid all that much. I like that change, in the series, that the last two people to be cradling the little monster are his biological parents.

- Oh look, Sigur Ros- singing…The Rains of Castamere? Just any chance to pull that song back into syndication huh?

- Jaime training with his left-hand with Bronn, Tyrion’s bestie sell-sword. “He tells me you shit gold, just like your father.” Times like these I bet Jaime curses not being ambidextrous.

- Totally the Queen of Thorns doing! No doubt about it, she doesn’t want her grand daughter married to a psychopath, and there’s no way Margaery wasn’t aware. There’s a particular shot where we see Lady Olena intensely staring at Joffrey with his goblet of wine not too far from her at all. “War is war, but killing a man at a wedding, horrid. What sort of monster would do such a thing?”

- Methinks we’ll see Littlefinger next week, for some awkward interaction with his former obsession’s daughter for the rest of the season.

Game of Thrones Renewed for Seasons 5 and 6!

HBO

HBO

Oh like we didn’t know Game of Thrones was going to be renewed for another season. But yay it’s been renewed for another two seasons!

Confetti it’s a PARADE!

Although there’s still no word on when we’ll see George R R Martin’s The Winds of Winter, the sixth book in the series. However if you need a fix, head over to his site where he keeps posting excerpts.

Okay fine, just one.