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3 Comments Posted on by Mata Blogging, Twitter

5 Steps To Having an Awesome #NZSecretSanta 2014 Experience!

#NZ Secret Santa

It’s that time of the year the time when the Twitter folk of New Zealand get their Twitter sleuthing hats on and step up their gift-giving game to partake in ‘NZ Secret Santa’. NZ Secret Santa was started by one @websam in 2010, who wanted to focus only on growing pumpkins and let the cool guys over at NZ Post take the reins in 2012. Since then it’s become quite the organised event with a Santa Storehouse so that you don’t have give out your address willynilly, and an epic elf service that stores the gifts, and only sends out gifts to those Secret Santas who have actually sent a gift! You’ve got to give to receive! And if you don’t give, you still give because the gift that was meant for you goes to Christchurch City Mission. Great huh? Also, NZ Post donates $1500 if there are 1500 participants, $5000 for 5000 signed up participants, or $10,000 if there are 10,000 participants.

So be a sport and sign up and participate because what’s more exciting than spreading some cheer? Other than a new episode of Game of Thrones that is. Seeing as regristrations open tomorrow we thought we’d talk about how to make this year’s #NZSecretSanta an awesome experience, both for returning Santas and new ones.

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

Step 1: Follow @nzsecretsanta and Register.

Link your Twitter account to a New Zealand Post online account. It’s easy-peasy, just follow the instructions. Seriously, it’s really easy. Just do as we do.

Mean Girls♥ (Scenes)

Step 2: Tweet! It’s no fun if you’re a Silent Egg.

Just tweet, okay? You can tweet as per usual, if you’re not a prolific tweeter then at least try to make an effort. Hell, tweet about your interests, you can even drop a hint or two if you like, or be as blunt as Jess: “Just because I am an accountant does not mean I want a calculator”. And if you think your tweets are not showing off your personality, add in your personal website, instagram, or links to things you like in your bio. Just keep in mind nobody likes a Demanding Darcy. “I like wacky socks” is good, “GIVE ME WACKY SOCKS” notsomuch.

christmas animated GIF

Oh and remember to use the hashtag: #nzsecretsanta.

Step 3: Stalk Your Recipient Like There’s No Tomorrow.

Get up in there. Obviously we don’t condone actual stalking, because that’s weird and not at all cool, we’re talking getting to know your recipient without alerting them to the fact that you are their Secret Santa. This is where all your days spent online stalking exes, crushes and frenemies come in handy. Don’t act like you don’t do it. But seriously you have to up your twitter stalking game once you find out who you’ve got and Veronica Mars your way into finding out what they like, from links of any websites they have, to their twitter conversations and other online activity. Word of advice, though, don’t start following the person straight away. Stalking is an artform. Put them on a private list or follow a bunch of people using the #nzsecretsanta timeline at once, it’s a great time to get exposed to new tweeters, anyway. Fingers-crossed you get someone fun who hasn’t set their twitter account to private and isn’t a Silent Egg.

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

Step 4: Get them a Kickass Gift and SEND IT.

This is important, after you’ve sleuthed to your heart’s content, get around to actually sending your gift to the Santa Storehouse to be processed and sent off to your recipient. Which should be easy because you would have registered and have been told how to do it here. Try to be a bit early, definitely in before the 10th of December, especially if some people may have supplied work addresses and will be on leave nearer to christmas. Giving a gift is a great feeling because you’ll know that your recipient will feel like Glen Coco.

mean-girls-movie-quotes-67

And your gift doesn’t have to be super expensive to be cool (in fact you’re supposed to keep it about $10 if you’re buying). The best gifts are the thoughtful ones. So be creative and most importantly SEND IT IN. Because if you don’t send it, know that this will be you:

Mean-Girls-Christmas-snapes-family-and-friends-32952149-500-144

Step 5: Tweet About What You Get ^_^

It’s not fun unless we’re all shoving our cool gifts down each other’s throats, in a non-graphic or violent way, so tweet, insta, facebook and snapchat all the photos of the gift your amazing NZ Secret Santa got you. Note that Jess, below, got One Direction stationary instead of a calculator because her teeny bopper personality shined through her tweets.

Once again, remember to use #nzsecretsanta for all them humblebrags, come Christmas it should be the humblebrag hashtag. Unless it winds up being Jaded Central. But let’s not dwell on the (possible) negatives, and pledge as Awesome Secret Santas to follow the 5 Steps to an enjoyable NZ Secret Santa experience.

HAPPY #NZSECRETSANTA 2014!

mean-girls-movie-quotes-31

Some Key Dates for 2014 to keep in mind:

13 Nov, that’s tomorrow, registrations open.
19 Nov, get in quick because this is when registrations close.
21 Nov, find out who you get to stalk, I mean get to be Secret Santa for.
10 Dec, you need to have your gift sent BY this date.
19 Dec, know that your gift should be on its way!

Best Funny Christmas Gifs for your wishes 2013

1 Comment Posted on by Mata Blogging, Jawkward, Twitter

A JawkwardLOL Understanding of ‘Throwing Shade’

‘Shading someone’ isn’t talking smack, yeah who would’ve thought? Upon delving into the neo-definition and short evolution of the slang term ‘shade’, and what it now means when you ‘shade’ someone, I’ve discovered a colourful history and the surprisingly complex nature of a term I had originally associated with basic smack talk.

The term ‘shade’ is thought to originate from Paris is Burning, a 1990 documentary on Harlem drag balls, when renowned drag queen Dorian Corey explains what ‘shade’ and ‘throwing shade’ is:

“Shade is, ‘I don’t tell you you’re ugly, but I don’t have to tell you because you know you’re ugly.’ And that’s shade.”

In fact it would appear that ‘throwing shade’ dates back to as early as 1925:

“Most often associated with Black English, but it is also said to be used among gay and cross-dressing performers and club-goers. Etymological Note: Probably related to shade, v., which means “to defeat, to outdo” and dates to at least as early as 1925 and also to the far more common put in/throw in the shade with the same meaning.”

Shade, in the context of popular culture, is an intricate weaving of language and subtle, passive aggressive, innuendo. It’s rather a show of wit and mental prowess. Now picking up on it and responding in the appropriate manner takes just as much wit, as shown here by Mariah Carey.

In usurping Nicki Minaj’s attempt to shade Mariah Carey, note Nicki’s use of the past tense ‘was’ when referring to how great a song ‘All I Want For Christmas’, Mariah’s response is a good example of counter-shading. She does not outright say that Nicki’s music isn’t on par with her own but rather, by highlighting the far reaching success of her own music and its continued popularity well over a decade later, she subtly insinuates the brevity of Nicki’s success.

It takes intelligence and quick wit to expertly ‘throw shade’. If you have any of your own examples of ‘throwing shade’, please be sure to hit that comment button.

3 Comments Posted on by Mata Blogging, Twitter

Roast Busters, Rape and the People Who Victim Blame.

I wasn’t going to broach the subject here, because Lord knows I’ve exhausted the topic enough on twitter, however the more tweets I come across of people blatantly slut-shaming and victim-blaming the more I wanted to make a quick post about the nasty vindictive attitudes these people have in regards to rape, rapists and victims.

Now don’t get me wrong, the overwhelming general public reaction, once the story broke, to the Roast Busters has generally been that of outrage. However there continues to be an alarming amount of people (we’re looking at you RadioLive’s Willie Jackson and John Tamihere) choosing to slut-shame and victim-blame the girls, with others even defending the Roast Busters’ actions.

It’s bad enough that the Police handled the situation rather poorly, having made no convictions despite three informal complaints and even a formal complaint made two years ago by a, then, 13-year-old.

It’s bad enough that these girls were raped (because that’s what it was) and then shamed on a social media site.

It’s bad enough that these boys thought that what they were doing was alright and even had other people think the same, painting their abhorrent behavior as that of ‘boys being boys who need to grow up’ or overlooking it altogether.

But to then flip it around and blame the girls for the abuse inflicted upon them? No. It’s not okay to then make statements implying that these girls should have known what they were in for. It is not okay to say that what occurred to them was their own fault for being where they were and acting a certain way as to encourage the perpetrators- completely ignoring the fact that girls as young as 13 were exploited, violated and humiliated.

It’s not okay, it’s deplorable.

Trigger Warning: The following Victim Blaming/Slut Shaming/Rape Apologia will contain stupid to the 10th degree and will make you question your faith in human decency.
I came across people who asserted that the girls shouldn’t have been going out and drinking at 13 anyways, that they were garden tools who cried rape after the fact and that the boys shouldn’t be blamed for their actions.

  • Get drunk? Expect rape. Because, why are you even out of the house?

drinkgetrapedwhywere13yroldsout

drinkandexpectrape

  • The girls ‘claimed rape’ / ‘played the victim card’ afterwards once they were named and shamed on facebook. Because, garden tools.

hoesmad

Screen Shot 2013-11-08 at 1.23.50 am

claimrapevictimcard

  • Is rape hilarious?

roastbusterfunny

  • Roast Busters’ actions weren’t illegal because the girls followed them, the girls ‘put themselves in that situation’. It’s not rape, it was consensual sex between a Roast Buster and an intoxicated and often underage girl. So, these guys are ‘innocent until proven guilty’. If you agree at all with these statements then you, and the people below who do, should have a read of the Laws regarding rape, and consent to sex, in New Zealand. I’ve picked out the pertinent sections for clarification.
128A Allowing sexual activity does not amount to consent in some circumstances
  • “(1) A person does not consent to sexual activity just because he or she does not protest or offer physical resistance to the activity.
  • “(4) A person does not consent to sexual activity if the activity occurs while he or she is so affected by alcohol or some other drug that he or she cannot consent or refuse to consent to the activity.
134 Sexual conduct with young person under 16

  • “(1) Every one who has sexual connection with a young person is liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 10 years.

    In this section,—

    • “(a) young person means a person under the age of 16 years

aintrapeIFroastbustersinnocentnocomplaintnoraperapistsntguilty

The ignorance doesn’t just perpetuate rape culture, it informs the way these crimes are investigated and more importantly how the victims are treated and viewed both by those around them and by authority figures (looking at you investigating officer who advised a 13-year-old that she shouldn’t have gone out in clothes that basically ‘asked for it’). The thoughts and views of a select few I’ve come across on twitter and facebook indicates why too many rapes go unreported.

What does victim blaming promote, other than the idea that a person is at fault for something someone else does to them? Despite the ignoramus group I’m referring to, the overall sentiments from the public make me slightly optimistic for the future. I’m looking at you, companies who’ve pulled their ads from Willie and JT’s RadioLive show. Because no matter the circumstances, rape is rape and it’s never okay. People shouldn’t be taught ways in which to avoid getting raped, instead everyone should be taught to respect each other as human beings and to not rape.

- Mata

Leave a comment Posted on by Mata Blogging, News, Twitter

Spare us from Brain-Clogging Misogynistic Drones

Two days ago, sitting at my desk somewhere in Auckland, I decided to check my tweets. Scrolling through my entertaining, heavily trafficked, Twitter timeline there were a few tweets that caught my eye, hilarious comments about life, informative tweets about current affairs, the odd retweeted misogynistic joke which made me furrow my brow, and then there was a tweet or two about a columnist named Bob Jones.

At the time I did not give any thought to the correlation between the last two things. In fact, I thought nothing of it. I had to sign out as I was a guest speaker in the lunchroom about the importance of having reading material or a friend to talk to during your break, afterwards I regaled a colleague about my tweets, leaving out my Twitter-handle for obvious reasons.

At the time I was voicing my dislike for the stupidity of misogynistic parody accounts and the lack of originality prevalent in ‘a woman’s place is in the kitchen’ jokes. My colleague called over another colleague, a male, to join in the debate but he interrupted and told me my topic of conversation was actually blowing up on the New Zealand Twitter scene as a column posted by a Mr Bob Jones was currently being criticised for its rather mind-numbing misogyny. “Excellent! Let’s pull up your timeline, then,” I urged, and, unsurprisingly, both colleagues concurred.

Accordingly we read the Bob Jones hashtag and many tweets from irate users, both male and female, in regards to Mr Jones’ NZH column made me exceedingly curious.

I read the post in question, the title itself was enough to set off alarm bells, and it wasn’t until he really got into the ‘unintended consequences’ of replacing traffic lights with roundabouts that things became and remained chaotic. His misogynistic tirade describing the unanticipated ‘women problem’ caused what could only be likened to a brain embolism.

The problem, with Bob Jones and his crippling misogyny, isn’t new. In fact, about one hundred per cent of his columns are filled to the brim with gender, and sometimes racial, stereotyping, sexist jokes and self-appreciation all written with the conviction of a privileged white-male, causing multiple embolisms in the brains of intelligent people who happen across his columns.

This isn’t an attack on the man, rather his narrow-minded, antiquated, views on women, life and the world. It’s an attack on the fact that he thought it okay to state that while he ‘normally doesn’t condone police violence’ he’d make an exception for women drivers and that the police would be doing ‘God’s work’ by going to the homes of the women complaining about the speed with which he drove (in order to surpass the incompetent women drivers driving slowly in his overpriced vehicle) and ‘beating the crap out of them and burning their houses down’. It is a condemnation of his constant perpetuation of misogynistic ideals.

If we were to complete a two-question ‘tick the box’ form, after reading a Bob Jones opinion piece, what would the two questions be? The first would no-doubt be a question of whether or not the piece offended you and why, with options ranging from ‘yes, because this is the most ridiculous piece of trash I’ve ever read’ to ‘yes, please tell this man that the year is 2013 and not 1913′ with everyone ticking each box, even the one that says ‘yes, but who is Bob Jones?’ The second question would be related to age, and there will be one answer, ‘you’re not too old to learn new tricks’ namely how to not be sexist.

To overcome the pain in my brain from reading too many Bob Jones articles I read more tweets about Bob Jones (#BobJones) and the following pieces by what I am assured (only by the sheer fact that they are not Bob Jones) are decent human beings.

This following tweet may be my favourite.

Leave a comment Posted on by JawkwardLOL NZ TV, TV Talk, Twitter

Right, last week L.O.V.E finally got the boot!

Hello, so are we all still present for X Factor NZ? Last Monday’s elimination got a bit tense for a second. One of the judge’s performed, to which we all wondered whether we could vote Stan off. Do those jokes get old? Maybe, but twitter loves ‘em. Virtual unknowns, Joseph & Maia performed a catchy song. It was a standard elimination episode. Until we got to the bottom two.

Anyone else wonder whether Moorhouse was really in the bottom two? Felt bad for Mel, just a little. Then I remembered she tried to get TP, no TYP, put through as her wildcard rather than Anabac. Yeah still sour about it, just a bit.

Mel had to choose between her Hip Hop duo L.O.V.E and her cheesy fan fav Moorhouse. Except she didn’t choose, she refused to vote for either one to go home…which threw Dominic Bowden off. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. Serves him right for his way-too-long pauses.

In the end, despite giving their one decent performance of the competition, L.O.V.E get sent H.O.M.E.

Special Mentions:

- This week is Soul week, I can’t help but think a few contestants will suffer for it. Tonight should be good.

- Yep, Fletcher is STILL there.

- Double elimination tomorrow!

- We spotted Tom Batchelor the other evening. He gave us a small insight into contestants’ lives. 12 hour days filled with booze, parties and luxuries; living in the fast lane! Jokes, they’re in interviews all day before singing themselves to sleep in tears, after having a lonely dinner.

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Leave a comment Posted on by JawkwardLOL NZ TV, TV Talk, Twitter

The Blue Rose - 1×10 Handsome Devil Review/Reaction Post

The Blue Rose: Monday 9:30pm TV3

This week I had a guest, watching and commenting on the Blue Rose, with me. Fellow Blue Rose ‘enthusiast’ CW (@ speshtian) joined me via skype to catch our New Favourite New Zealand Dramedy. This episode offered us some interesting new developments, some of which we thought were slightly predictable and not just because of the previews! The show attempted to give certain characters a depth, that may or may not have resonated with the audience, it’s rather subjective but I’m going to say for me it slightly missed the mark. Rose’s taste in men continues to be a point of contention and we discover some very interesting stories about M&L After Hours. We also wonder where Linda finds all of her leather clothing and whether or not she’ll come out of the closet any time soon. Oh and anyone for lasagne tasting? No? Well then make sure you’re a bit more creative next time!

I’ve tried to tidy our convo up without diminishing our ‘ rivetting discourse’ too much. *cough* Otherwise it’s our ‘liveblog uncut’ sad grammar and heinous lack of proper capitalising, needless CAPS, overuse of exclamation points and neeeedlessss letter emphasis included! Anything in parenthesis was added ex post facto.

[8/04/13 9:43:19 PM] Mata: It’s freezing! So we ready to watch The Blue Rose?

[8/04/13 9:43:26 PM] CW: yessssss

[8/04/13 9:43:29 PM] CW: motorcycles!!!

[8/04/13 9:43:32 PM] Mata: Haha sweet!

[8/04/13 9:43:56 PM] CW: it’s Linda the lesbo!

[8/04/13 9:44:27 PM] CW: peterson needs to lose some weight

[8/04/13 9:44:29 PM] Mata: Can Linda smash him in the face with the mug?

[8/04/13 9:44:56 PM] CW: linda would chug that vessel and crush the mug with peterson’s head

[8/04/13 9:44:58 PM] CW: boom

[8/04/13 9:44:58 PM] Mata: I would like very much to see that, it can be paying homage to once were warriors..with Linda as Jake the Muss

[8/04/13 9:45:10 PM] CW: i have not actually seen that movie!

[8/04/13 9:45:30 PM] Mata: I don’t- we’re going to put a pin in that because I would I like to discuss your lack of Once Were Warrior knowledge lol

[8/04/13 9:46:45 PM] Mata: Who does that chubby bald man look like?

[8/04/13 9:47:10 PM] Mata: Charlie talking shit? NO! Surely not!

[8/04/13 9:47:11 PM] CW: all i can quote is “cook me some eggs!”

[8/04/13 9:47:22 PM] CW: that must be the most he (Charlie) has said in one go all season

[8/04/13 9:47:33 PM] CW: already more screen time than the first 9 episodes combined

[8/04/13 9:47:51 PM] Mata: Hahaha they’ve been saving it up for the episode where he finally gets his INS (more or less true)

[8/04/13 9:48:12 PM] Mata: BABANG the Trifecta hahaha

[8/04/13 9:48:18 PM] CW: bahaha

[8/04/13 9:48:23 PM] CW: where’s the t-shirt?!

[8/04/13 9:48:51 PM] CW: krystle just vomited in her mouth (While getting frisky at the bar with McMann)

[8/04/13 9:48:54 PM] CW: or looked it

[8/04/13 9:49:01 PM] Mata: Also, this has been the most Aroha has ever said

[8/04/13 9:49:04 PM] CW: !! she’s (Aroha’s) taking the bus!!

[8/04/13 9:49:07 PM] Mata: I vom’d in my mouth just watching her (Krystle)

[8/04/13 9:49:08 PM] CW: she’s (Aroha’s) NEVER getting home at this rate

[8/04/13 9:49:26 PM] Mata: LOL Aroha needs to be more drunk in order to endure our public transport system

[8/04/13 9:50:22 PM] CW: don’t these offices have alarm systems

[8/04/13 9:50:39 PM] Mata: Yeah, they didn’t even enter any codes or anything

[8/04/13 9:50:56 PM] Mata: This guy wants to get freaky in the boardroom!

[8/04/13 9:51:14 PM] Mata: Omg Krystle’s gone for it!

[8/04/13 9:51:21 PM] CW: krystle just looked totally maia in that shot

[8/04/13 9:51:23 PM] CW: creepy

[8/04/13 9:51:27 PM] Mata: She looks scared

[8/04/13 9:51:30 PM] Mata: Hahahahahha

[8/04/13 9:51:32 PM] CW: she’s secretly a lesbian wanting to get pregnant!

[8/04/13 9:51:55 PM] Mata: DON’T TOUCH THE TABLE JANE

[8/04/13 9:52:00 PM] CW: ewwwwww

[8/04/13 9:52:00 PM] Mata: WHATEVER YOU DO!

[8/04/13 9:52:09 PM] Mata: He would like to do you again

[8/04/13 9:52:25 PM] CW: girl i wana do you, do you, do you wana do me, do meeee

[8/04/13 9:52:28 PM] Mata: Charlie you tricky guy hahahahaha

[8/04/13 9:52:35 PM] Mata: Underneath the moonlight tonight haha

[8/04/13 9:52:36 PM] CW: that would be super awks if you don’t know where that song’s from

[8/04/13 9:52:41 PM] CW: YESSSSSSS

[8/04/13 9:53:09 PM] Mata: OF COURSE I KNOW THAT SONG! Remind me to post this story where that song features

[8/04/13 9:53:17 PM] Mata: Oh shit Krystle’s busted

[8/04/13 9:53:34 PM] CW: looooool

[8/04/13 9:53:35 PM] Mata: False alarm

[8/04/13 9:54:02 PM] Mata: Oh no, NOT A FALSE ALARM! I KNEW HE WAS TOO KEEN TO GET INTO THE OFFICE

[8/04/13 9:54:07 PM] CW: PARNELL

[8/04/13 9:54:09 PM] CW: MY HOOD

[8/04/13 9:54:14 PM] CW: well, my ex-hood

[8/04/13 9:54:19 PM] CW: oooo scott’s a bad dude

[8/04/13 9:54:21 PM] CW: dun dun dun

[8/04/13 9:54:31 PM] CW: krystle your vag just got the plotline going

[8/04/13 9:54:37 PM] Mata: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

[8/04/13 9:54:59 PM] Mata: Helen and Simon do NOT want to be touching the boardroom table right now

[8/04/13 9:55:13 PM] CW: talking, being friendly…. HAVING SEX

[8/04/13 9:55:14 PM] Mata: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[8/04/13 9:55:16 PM] CW: hahahhahahaa

[8/04/13 9:55:18 PM] CW: bahahahahhahahahhaha

[8/04/13 9:55:21 PM] CW: love it

[8/04/13 9:55:31 PM] CW: trolololol

[8/04/13 9:55:38 PM] Mata: Helen flinching away from the table like ‘this bitch did NOT get freaky on our- she did she freakin’ did’

[8/04/13 9:56:46 PM] Mata: And she left him alone, good one Krystle- you may have just slept your way to the bottom.

ADS ADS ADS.

[8/04/13 9:56:52 PM] CW: i think this ep is just an hour long!

[8/04/13 9:57:00 PM] CW: i’m on twitter stalking the tag

[8/04/13 9:57:22 PM] CW: tv3 your programming is all over the place

[8/04/13 9:57:25 PM] Mata: Sweet lol because I still haven’t written the Doctor Who or Game of Thrones reviews lol

[8/04/13 9:57:50 PM] Mata: Ugh TV3, they need to sort their shit out

[8/04/13 9:58:17 PM] CW: oo game of thrones

[8/04/13 9:58:22 PM] CW: i’m reading the books..

[8/04/13 9:58:26 PM] CW: should i get into the show?

[8/04/13 9:58:27 PM] CW: or after

[8/04/13 9:58:35 PM] CW: altho i kinda know what happens… everyone dies

[8/04/13 9:58:39 PM] Mata: How far along are you?

[8/04/13 9:58:49 PM] Mata: Haha man the books SLAY

[8/04/13 9:58:51 PM] CW: ummm bran hasn’t found out about cersei and jaime yet

[8/04/13 9:58:52 PM] Mata: literally ahhaa

[8/04/13 9:59:04 PM] CW: ned is going to the south with robert

[8/04/13 9:59:11 PM] CW: and arya’s direwolf hasn’t attacked joffrey yet

[8/04/13 9:59:13 PM] CW: so not very far lol

[8/04/13 9:59:37 PM] Mata: Ooooh okay okay, totally up to you. I watched the first series before I started the books

[8/04/13 9:59:45 PM] Mata: and finished the books before season 2 came out haha

[8/04/13 10:00:22 PM] Mata: Krystle’s crying because the one time she stops being uptight she fucks up hahaha pun

[8/04/13 10:00:34 PM] CW: loool

[8/04/13 10:00:36 PM] CW: it’s like a car crash

[8/04/13 10:00:40 PM] CW: it’s so ugly but u can’t look away

[8/04/13 10:00:48 PM] Mata: It can only get worse

[8/04/13 10:01:23 PM] Mata: ‘Krystle shagged a rival on the boardroom table.’ Simon, well said.

[8/04/13 10:02:09 PM] CW: wow that boardroom table’s seen a lot of action

[8/04/13 10:02:51 PM] CW: CHARLIE KILLED ROSE

[8/04/13 10:02:53 PM] CW: CALLING IT NOW

[8/04/13 10:03:07 PM] Mata: Haha Peterson killed Rose

[8/04/13 10:03:11 PM] Mata: no HELEN DID IT

[8/04/13 10:03:20 PM] Mata: Yeah I’m making no calls

[8/04/13 10:03:21 PM] Mata: yet

[8/04/13 10:03:46 PM] Mata: Ew Derek’s bragging about Linda

[8/04/13 10:04:19 PM] CW: EWWWWWW

[8/04/13 10:05:05 PM] CW: hahaha everyone made lasagna

[8/04/13 10:05:06 PM] CW: man

[8/04/13 10:05:10 PM] CW: linda just needs a good woman

[8/04/13 10:05:15 PM] Mata: Lasagne tasting

[8/04/13 10:05:26 PM] Mata: Ganesh made a pun!

[8/04/13 10:05:45 PM] Mata: Krystle going out with a bang indeed.

[8/04/13 10:06:01 PM] Mata: Weird that Krystle’s called Jane.

[8/04/13 10:06:13 PM] Mata: Reckon Krystle’s gonna be their side project this week? (She was, well Jane’s at least)

[8/04/13 10:06:19 PM] CW: probs

[8/04/13 10:06:30 PM] CW: and the next episode too seeing as this was meant to be two hours

[8/04/13 10:07:07 PM] Mata: LOL Krystle’s more bent out of shape about the fact that the guy she screwed isn’t more than a junior lawyer haha

[8/04/13 10:07:29 PM] CW: hahahah

[8/04/13 10:07:31 PM] CW: i love linda

[8/04/13 10:07:34 PM] CW: she gets the best lines

[8/04/13 10:07:52 PM] Mata: She just wants a burger (and maybe a girlfriend haahhaha)

[8/04/13 10:08:32 PM] Mata: Awwwwww yeah Linda, she just made him want her more

[8/04/13 10:09:09 PM] CW: linda’s so good

[8/04/13 10:09:19 PM] CW: and she’s not even playing the game

[8/04/13 10:10:04 PM] Mata: I wonder though, if anyone’s going to make the connection between her and Rose any time soon

[8/04/13 10:10:22 PM] Mata: Although Simon hasn’t seen her, and Derek wouldn’t know so she’s safe right now

[8/04/13 10:11:24 PM] CW: i just got a mental image of linda sliding onto the home plate

[8/04/13 10:11:32 PM] CW: and the umpire going “SAFE!” with the arm motions

[8/04/13 10:12:23 PM] Mata: LOL Linda looks like a softball player if you know what I mean

[8/04/13 10:12:31 PM] CW: why mata i do believe i do

[8/04/13 10:12:46 PM] Mata: LOL

[8/04/13 10:12:54 PM] Mata: Jane, sluething Jane

[8/04/13 10:12:59 PM] Mata: Oh shit Krystle got fired

[8/04/13 10:13:10 PM] CW: :O :O :O

[8/04/13 10:14:45 PM] Mata: Jane is woman hear her roar

[8/04/13 10:14:54 PM] CW: yeah yea mate scoooooore

[8/04/13 10:15:22 PM] CW: ew peterson

[8/04/13 10:15:23 PM] CW: so desperate

[8/04/13 10:15:41 PM] Mata: I was gonna say, Peterson does NOT live there.

[8/04/13 10:16:13 PM] Mata: Peterson’s gross, man.

[8/04/13 10:16:30 PM] CW: lol i actually thought he said WINZ not wins

[8/04/13 10:16:35 PM] Mata: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[8/04/13 10:17:03 PM] Mata: I could see Peterson buying out WINZ and turning all the branches into sweat shops

[8/04/13 10:17:28 PM] Mata: Are they trying to give Peterson depth?

[8/04/13 10:17:37 PM] CW: i think they are :S

[8/04/13 10:17:41 PM] CW: humanising him?

[8/04/13 10:17:54 PM] CW: linda’s 3 things

[8/04/13 10:17:57 PM] CW: 1) i’m a lesbian

[8/04/13 10:17:59 PM] Mata: HAHAHAH

[8/04/13 10:18:02 PM] Mata: I was about to say

[8/04/13 10:18:10 PM] Mata: she forgot ‘I’m a lesbian’

[8/04/13 10:19:04 PM] Mata: Scott McMan sent him (Charlie) pictures of his dick, Scott’s gay

[8/04/13 10:19:10 PM] CW: hahhaa

[8/04/13 10:19:14 PM] CW: chris is loving it!

[8/04/13 10:19:15 PM] CW: i mean charlie

[8/04/13 10:19:30 PM] Mata: The vertical blinds need to be disinfected, burn the room

[8/04/13 10:19:36 PM] Mata: WAVING HIS DICK AROUND HAHAHAHAHAHA

[8/04/13 10:20:07 PM] CW: man why does jane want to save krystle so badly

[8/04/13 10:20:14 PM] CW: she needs to find out who killed rose first jeez

[8/04/13 10:20:27 PM] Mata: Jane’s trying to help everyone and their mama

[8/04/13 10:21:00 PM] Mata: Also, Krystle’s someone Jane’s spoken to and knows as opposed to this woman she’s never met

[8/04/13 10:21:12 PM] Mata: Even if Krystle’s a bitch

[8/04/13 10:21:20 PM] CW: that’s true

[8/04/13 10:21:30 PM] CW: i miss the old flight centre guy

his hat fit his head better

[8/04/13 10:21:55 PM] Mata: Haha

[8/04/13 10:24:34 PM] Mata: Oh shit, this is the first time Linda’s turned up to a meeting this week

[8/04/13 10:24:57 PM] Mata: Linda would very much like to see the photos of Krystle

[8/04/13 10:25:12 PM] CW: linda would loooooooove photos of krystle

[8/04/13 10:25:13 PM] Mata: LOL Sonya asking Jane if she’s a ‘secret Christian’

[8/04/13 10:25:16 PM] CW: but she has standards

[8/04/13 10:25:21 PM] CW: hahahaha yes i was just about to type that

[8/04/13 10:26:02 PM] Mata: I think this is where Jane gives up the goods to Charlie

[8/04/13 10:26:07 PM] CW: ewwww

[8/04/13 10:26:21 PM] Mata: haha Charlie’s going to make it to Candy Land

[8/04/13 10:26:30 PM] CW: gag

[8/04/13 10:26:58 PM] Mata: (Charlie’s talking to Scott at the bar where he initially tricked Krystle into thinking Scott was about to make partner, you could say it was his fault, it is where the entire debacle started) Punch

(Charlie sucker punches Scott)

[8/04/13 10:27:01 PM] Mata: KNEW IT

[8/04/13 10:27:12 PM] CW: hahahha

[8/04/13 10:27:29 PM] CW: oh i see. it’s “adrenaline made us do it” sex

[8/04/13 10:27:30 PM] Mata: Let the record show that I said punch before Charlie did it. And now they’re running- this explains why

[8/04/13 10:27:35 PM] Mata: Jane’s about to hook up with him

[8/04/13 10:27:55 PM] Mata: Nah, she’s gonna do him because he seemed ‘gallant’

[8/04/13 10:28:12 PM] Mata: Oooh or not (Which kind of makes me glad because it actually wouldn’t have been in character for Jane to just hop into bed with Charlie because he punched a guy for her.)

[8/04/13 10:28:13 PM] CW: don’t get the bus you’ll never get home!

[8/04/13 10:28:25 PM] CW: ooo foreboding music

[8/04/13 10:28:30 PM] Mata: LOL don’t get the bus you’ll get an STD before you even sleep with Charlie

[8/04/13 10:28:34 PM] CW: what building’s that?

[8/04/13 10:28:40 PM] CW: aw i miss auckland :(

[8/04/13 10:29:19 PM] Mata: Haha I don’t even know, since finishing uni and working in Newmarket I haven’t wandered the streets of town in a while haha

[8/04/13 10:29:58 PM] CW: hahaha palmy

[8/04/13 10:30:03 PM] Mata: Guttered

[8/04/13 10:30:17 PM] Mata: Does Jane get Krystle her job back?

[8/04/13 10:30:44 PM] Mata: Helen seeing Jane’s worth *eyebrow quirk*

[8/04/13 10:30:48 PM] CW: lolol

[8/04/13 10:31:00 PM] Mata: No Simon DID NOT (just say ‘I am woman, hear me roar- which btw he totally did)

[8/04/13 10:31:08 PM] CW: ugh simon

[8/04/13 10:31:45 PM] Mata: Peterson wants to hire child slaves

[8/04/13 10:32:14 PM] Mata: Jane, don’t push Simon, he’s close to the edge (he’s trying not to lose his head hahaaa)

[8/04/13 10:32:41 PM] CW: interesting watching this from simon’s pov

[8/04/13 10:33:00 PM] CW: a temp who is good but who is showing a partic amount of interest in law

[8/04/13 10:33:18 PM] CW: PARANOIA, IT’S REAL IF THEY’RE REALLY AFTER YOU

[8/04/13 10:33:28 PM] Mata: HAHAHAHAHAHA

[8/04/13 10:33:49 PM] Mata: *whispers* THEY KNOW

[8/04/13 10:37:19 PM] CW: linda linda linda

[8/04/13 10:37:38 PM] CW: zomg

[8/04/13 10:37:41 PM] CW: derek

[8/04/13 10:37:43 PM] CW: zoolander

[8/04/13 10:37:44 PM] CW: no

[8/04/13 10:37:46 PM] CW: peterson

[8/04/13 10:38:02 PM] Mata: LOLOL

[8/04/13 10:38:09 PM] Mata: Awwww shit Krystle’s back

[8/04/13 10:38:11 PM] Mata: The Bitch is Back

[8/04/13 10:38:15 PM] CW: dun dun dun

[8/04/13 10:38:59 PM] Mata: Balance has been restored

[8/04/13 10:39:10 PM] CW: and charlie’s back with his sexual harrassment! yay

[8/04/13 10:39:11 PM] Mata: No Linda, don’t do it! (by it I mean Derek)

[8/04/13 10:39:13 PM] CW: all is right in the world

[8/04/13 10:39:20 PM] Mata: Hahaha ‘fancy a pash?’

[8/04/13 10:39:20 PM] CW: that looks like the modern family house

[8/04/13 10:39:25 PM] Mata: Charlie bro, subtle guy

[8/04/13 10:39:39 PM] CW: linda’s gona get smashed

[8/04/13 10:39:43 PM] Mata: Maybe Peterson’s got a Gloria somewhere

[8/04/13 10:40:13 PM] Mata: Linda doesn’t like sausages, we established this last week

[8/04/13 10:41:52 PM] Mata: Shit, Linda’s just playing all of her cards

[8/04/13 10:42:00 PM] Mata: Some of them, anyway.

[8/04/13 10:42:04 PM] Mata: Okay, not all

[8/04/13 10:42:16 PM] Mata: Derek did it.

[8/04/13 10:42:44 PM] Mata: Yeah Derek, you and Linda like the same things, want the same things…women.

[8/04/13 10:42:59 PM] CW: bahaha

[8/04/13 10:43:42 PM] CW: erk

[8/04/13 10:44:13 PM] Mata: Okay, it makes sense for Jane not to shag Charlie this ep.

[8/04/13 10:44:34 PM] CW: yea

[8/04/13 10:44:42 PM] CW: i’m glad they didn’t shove it into 2 hours this week

[8/04/13 10:44:46 PM] CW: i’m sleepy lol

[8/04/13 10:45:10 PM] Mata: Yeah same! I’m trying to keep my eyes open, now I have to burn the midnight oil for a bit lol

[8/04/13 10:45:50 PM] Mata: Well, this has been ‘watching The Blue Rose with Mata and Chloe’ hahahah

[8/04/13 10:50:42 PM] CW: next season linda better be a lesbian!!!

[8/04/13 10:50:46 PM] CW: you can quote me on that

[8/04/13 10:50:49 PM] CW: LOL

[8/04/13 10:50:54 PM] Mata: Hahahaha I will I will

Special Mentions:

- If you’ve managed to get through that post you’re a legend.

- Yeah no twitter corner this week, lo siento (I’m sorry) guys!

- Unrelated to TBR: Game of Thrones and Doctor Who reviews will be up tonight. Not that anyone cares, crying in the corner.

- Talk to us? We’re keen to get other peoples’ theories on The Blue Rose, or anything really. What’s your opinion on the GCSB?

Leave a comment Posted on by Mata Book Talk, Movie Talk, Twitter

JawkwardLOL Mean Girls of NZ Twitter: Hogwarts Edition.

What do you get when you come across die hard Harry Potter fans who know the Mean Girls script inside and out? Well an hour or two of the following. Basically Kiva vexed Harry Potter Fans Anny, Misha and I, inciting a twitter war of epic proportions. And no, I’ve never met these lovely people face to face. We inhabit the wizarding (girl) world of twitter, where hashtags are curses and the wrong tweet can be social (networking) suicide. It doesn’t matter, because these are the NZ Twitter Plastics of Hogwarts.

If you have your own quote mash-ups chuck ‘em in the comments below! Because seriously, we made fetch happen and we didn’t have to place the imperius curse on anyone and make them walk in front of a bus to do it. Great turnout. *crickets chirping*