Category Archives: Miranda

JawkwardLOL’s Compendium of Tillyisms!

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Ever wondered what on earth Tilly was saying? Well wonder no more with our comprehensive (not really) Compendium of Tillyisms you’ll be speaking and interpreting like a posho bitch in no time!

Utmost curiosity - Expression of interest

Kissingtons - Fond greeting between friends

Totes Amazeballs - Amazing

Bear with, bear with, bear with. (Repeat as often as needed.) And back. - When you’re on the phone and someone tries to talk to you, raise hand and utter.

Marvolizzimous - Marvelous

Brillo-pads - Brills/Brilliant

Major [insert noun ie mess] and his friend Colonel [insert noun ie catastrophe]! - Expression of dismay and disappointment.

Starvington Station - Hungry as

Flabagastamoomoo - Flabbergasted/Astonished

Totes [insert verb/noun]ulating - On the verge of something.

Rudulent - Rude
Special Ocasiones - Social Occasion
Defo - Definitely
Go on the Pullingtins - Be on the lookout for a hook up/on the prowl.
Possibolos - Possible
Negativitus - Negative
Wedmin - Wedding Administration [courtesy of Valerie, muchas gracias Valerie!]
When in doubt, add the combined suffixes ‘osity’, ‘tins’ or combined ‘ing-tins’ to a word for instant posh sounding effecting-tins.
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***With almost everything in the world this isn’t a perfect list. There are terms and phrases which we have missed, purposefully or not, so drop us a comment if you have one to add because we overlooked it. It would be totes rudulent of us to do so but it defo happens.
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Disclaimer: We do not guarantee the usefulness of this guide, which we shall henceforth not refer to as a guide, nor will we take any responsibility for any words or phrases not used incorrectly by the reader. Disclaimer disclaimer: This disclaimer was convoluted by design. We take no responsibility in your inability to understand the preceding heretofore.

JawkwardLOL’s Top 5 Guest Characters on Miranda

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Miranda’s done for the season. We maintain it will return for a fourth series, stay strong Miranda fans! So we want to share with you our Top 5 Favourite Guest Characters on the show. Whether it was Chris and Alison or Dreamboat Charlie we all have our favourite guest characters! Without further adieu we present ours.

The JawkwardLOL Top 5 Guest Characters on Miranda!

5. Chris and Allison (John Finnemore and Margaret Cabourn-Smith)

Is there any couple more annoying? That’s why we have them in our top 5! They make you want to punch them in the face. “I’ve got an empathy wee coming.”

There is just too much pep between them. They wouldn’t have made it here, however their last appearance was brilliant because ‘Mr and Mrs Empathy Wee’ are no longer as peppytin tilly tots. It’s glorious.

All I want is a gif of Alison yelling “ONLY I CAN SPEAK FOR MY VAGINA!”

4. Cousin Benji (Neil Edmond)

He’s only seen for less than a few seconds in two different episodes but come on, I mean, come on!

Series 1

Series 3
He’s still Miranda’s cousin and he’s still a bit mental.

3. Jason (Luke Pasqualino)

The boyish, yet manly, porter who arranges a ‘companion’ for the night for Miranda that one time she holiday’d in her own hometown. He’s here because, well because! Miranda and Stevie aren’t the only cougars.

Also, he’s got the best ‘seriously?’ bitchface ever.


2. Dreamboat Charlie/Ping Pong Charlie/Cucumber Charlie (Adrian Scarborough)

Ex-Army doctor, Dream Boat Charlie. He’d seen a photo AND he was still interested. Because he fancies women he wouldn’t necessarily beat in a fight!

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“PUMPEE DURUMPEE!”

“Okey dokey and then some pokey!”

This small package is an enormous bundle of laughs each time he’s onscreen. Which is why he’s number 2!

1. Customer/We-Don’t-Know Guy (Dominic Coleman)

He’s our absolute favourite because despite being dragged into Miranda’s affair once in series one, “to be fair I don’t understand the world I just walked into,” he manages to get dragged right back in in series three!

Nothing!No.Oh! Nothing!

Named by Miranda ‘Customer’ because they never asked his name and to do so a day after knowing him would just be weird. Never mind that at that point they were trying to get him to be her fake fiance so they wouldn’t have to go to a Pride and Prejudice themed party where Penny was going to set Miranda up with Edmond Dettori. Poor guy was just after something for his niece, he never did buy his niece anything. In series three when he helps distract by pretending to form a ‘Take That’ tribute band tho’. We hope he gets another episode!Who is he? We don’t know! He doesn’t know either and that just makes him so awesome!

Special Mentions:

Danny (Michael Landes) from 2×01: The New Me. Why? Look at him!

If you have any other favourites that you think we should have had here let us know! Also, talk to us if you’re having Miranda withdrawals. Just know that you are not alone. Oh no, don’t sing- I AM HERE WITH YOUUUUU, THOUGH WE’RE FAR APART! YOU’RE ALWAYS IN MY HEART, BUT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’m sorry, it’s 2am where I am and I am very tired.

- Goodbye and good night.

Miranda Series Finale 3×06: A Brief Encounter

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You have just been watching...

You have just been watching…

Sister: Wait when does it come back?!?!

Me: Christmas, probably.

Sister: BUT THIS IS JANUARY! YOU HAVE TO CALL UP THE BBC AND TELL THEM TO BRING IT BACK!!!!

The Miranda Series 3 Finale left us on, what I call, the worst cliffhanger ever. What ever shall Miranda do? I’m not surprised we’ve been left in yet another lurch. Probably the worst lurch yet! However I’m getting ahead of myself here. We need to pace ourselves, unwrap this episode slowly with deft fingers. Well, now I feel like I don’t know how to type anymore, doesn’t it feel strange? No? No. It’s gone a bit weird, no really it’s gone weird because I’m focusing too hard on my fingers and their dexterity. Tap tap tap..taptap thrust! Right, on with the review.

We begin a few days after Miranda’s big confession, Gary’s said he just wants to be friends (BOLLOX!!!!!!) after her declaration of love. Miranda is coping in the only way she knows how, plastering Gary’s face on cushions, duvet cacooning herself and singing rather apt songs whilst dancing with a stick man made out of a broom, mop a cushion topped off with a picture of Gary’s face. Miranda’s rendition of On My Own from the musical Les Misérables is not as emotionally tragic as Éponine’s but you do wind up hoping someone would execute a mercy killing. I’m only joking. Miranda should have kept singing after ‘I love him! But when the night is over, he is gone-’ continuing, as she chucks away the cushion with his face on it, with ‘a pillow’s just a pillowwwww.’ Penny stays over for a bit, although this always proves more stressful than helpful. I do have to agree with Miranda in terms of the elderly talking during shows on TV, ‘why can’t the elderly just watch television?’ My mum does the same thing, only if I were to shove a cushion in my mum’s face, she’d shove the cushion down my throat, along with a jandal.

Miranda’s attempts to feel better also include procuring a litter of kittens as a surrogate family to ‘get over Gary.’ Although note the names.

Oh and don’t forget Sheila. Because Sheila’s important.
Miranda finally decides it’s time to rid herself of her Gary memorabilia which is something that calls for Stevie’s Heather Small impersonation please and thank you. ‘What have you done today to make you feeeeeeel proud?!’
However trying to begin a ‘Gary-free-life’ is the dumps- literally. Well she did say she was going it alone.
Back to Penny, who’s renewing her vows with Miranda’s father. Penny’s developed right alongside Miranda, she’s no longer trying to actively pimp Miranda out. Although her Middle Class Tick doesn’t seem to be getting any better, when she explains her friend’s in the throws of a personal summer as in *mouths* ghastly *shouts* MENOPAUSE. A Penny-Shower at Miranda’s flat is exciting to everyone but Miranda.
Miranda and Stevie have a small tussle over who gets to have Helena, the free spirit designing Penny’s dress for her vow renewals, as a new best friend. Helena tells Miranda that one way (apart from traveling to exotic places) to be a free spirit is to dine alone.
The little spot-light struggle between Penny and Tilly was cute- back to me, no back to me! Tilly O’Clock News! DONG! Tilly’s got a new beau and you’ll never believe who it is! DREAMBOAT CHARLIE! PING PONG CHARLIE? Nope, by the by it’s CUCUMBER CHARLIE NOW. I can’t. Tilly insists it’s not because the dating pool is so tiny, which is funny because Charlie’s not the biggest catch on any level. The start of their new relationship in short goes a little something like:
+ + RUMPEE DUPUMPEE! EEEYOOORE!
We’re skimming, I know you’ve noticed but frankly I’m tired. Don’t judge me. You’re judging and I can feel it- RUDE.
Miranda dines alone as Helena suggests and of course it doesn’t go very well. Highlights? The host yells out ‘TABLE FOR ONE!’ Miranda tries to look like she’s talking to her boyfriend on her mobile which of course rings while she’s pretending to speak to her model boyfriend. Her empowering dinner alone is cut short when Gary walks into the damn restaurant! In her attempt to get out without being detected she ruins a man’s proposal to his girlfriend. ‘You have to laugh about this!’ Miranda says, but the only ones laughing are us.
Miranda decides, after this excursion, that she’s going to sell the flat and go away. Stevie thinks Miranda’s all mouth and no trousers. Miranda winds up at the Hamilton Lodge. And look who it is!
It’s Freddy from Skins (gross sobbing, still not over what they did to Freddy at the end of series 4), I mean Jason the youth from series 1 episode 4, Holiday!
We all remember Jason. Who wouldn’t? Look at that face! I’m glad they bring back these minor characters, remember he was the one who misunderstood Miranda’s request for companionship as a ‘request’ for ‘companionship’ and ordered her an escort… who turned out to be Clive. Good times!
Of course Stevie finds Miranda (to tell her Gary’s been looking for her) and after a surprise snog thinking Stevie to be Jason who she summoned back by ordering an early turn down, Miranda tries to cacoon in her duvet. Stevie, ever the metaphorical prune, dives right in to drag her out. Jason walks in and Stevie informs him Miranda’s ‘just mounting’- don’t say that. They are in a, what I call, compromising position.
Also, they’re cougars. Jason run for your life! We’ll always have room 24! Phwooaaar.

Miranda needs to talk to Gary. We’ve had enough of this running about by now, despite the hilarity and eye-candy. As an audience we’re all just waiting for the situation to be resolved! The conflict itself being an imagined disparity of feelings between Miranda and Gary. True she did profess her love and Gary did tell her he just wanted to be friends. However she’s also declared her love at his restaurant opening, suddenly and abruptly, right after- sort of but not really- breaking up with Micheal. Although Gary’s been a bit iffy with his own *waves hand* issues it’s a little bit acceptable for him to need time to process the (not so) new information. And rather than be mature about it, Miranda runs away and hides away stressing like a constipated meerkat. Granted Gary himself has been a bit of a slippery eel, not a euphemism! The question of will they/won’t is only one part of he show that’s kept us all enthralled and in fits for the past three, extremely short, series.

The only other character taken on as much of an emotional roller coaster as the audience is Stevie who goes with Miranda to the airport to see her off to ‘Morocco.’ This doesn’t actually happen because Miranda’s luggage is treated as a ‘suspicious package’ and the luggage handler who tells her to just ‘let the cat out of the bag’ opens up the luggage and there’s Sheila, a cat, in the bag!

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After a thousand (yes that’s an exaggeration) ‘let the cat out of the bag’ jokes and being tackled by security, Miranda finally winds up back at the Penny-Shower. Stevie helps Miranda figure out her next move which is perhaps more suited to her. A train ride out…to Scotland. The next day Miranda is on the train ready to go. Whilst sitting there with the swelling music in the background, the sombre yet uplifting tone is interrupted by a youth whose music is blasting loudly from his earphones. Miranda cuts the youth’s music short- literally. ‘Darryl! Look look what this woman done!’ Miranda is unaware of the fact that Gary has come to the station to stop her- but he’s too late. Her train is already leaving.

Fortunately this is Miranda and she’s on the wrong train, unfortunately when Gary finds her they’ve got to run from some youths thanks to Miranda. We all know why Gary’s there, we’ve been waiting for this! When they make it back to Miranda’s flat he finally man’s up for his but- not his fine butt but his but, the proverbial ‘but’ that’s held him back from actually being together with Miranda. Through all our squeeing the question still remains, are they finally together? Well, Gary does admit that ‘it’s always been’ Miranda. He’s known her long enough, so really her spiel admitting things that weren’t really secrets like her fruit friends is a little redundant, although the storage place for her remote controls was a new one. However Gary responds ‘no one can match up to you.’ And I’m pretty sure I fist-pumped the air because my OTP are OTP-ing! Don’t.

Kissing or not, for they’ve kissed in the past, (yes, outside of Miranda’s fantasies) this could still go sour. However for these brief moments our OTP is 100% in. Gary must rush back to the restaurant as the reception for the ceremony will be held at Gary’s. When Miranda turns up and suggests they tell everyone Gary freezes. It’s only fair for Miranda to second guess whether or not Gary is all in from his hesitation. As everyone arrives, yes even Cucumber Charlie, we expect a blowout- but instead what we get is a showdown! Stevie asks if Miranda is staying and Miranda responds she doesn’t know. If Gary isn’t all in than I suppose Miranda is out, which doesn’t bode well for us at all. However the show throws one more curve-ball at us when Penny announces that there’s someone who will be delighted to see Miranda and in walks Mike! Ohhh brilly pots!
As much as I love Miranda and Gary, Miracheal holds a special place in my heart. Partly because he’s adorable and partly because I feel like as soon as Miranda and Gary do get together the will they/won’t they dynamic is no longer valid and that element of the show is expelled. However then it’s unfair on Mike whose relationship with Miranda will forever be tainted with the Gary and Miranda will they/won’t they dance. And what about Mike? This man went to Africa and two weeks in decided that he was sure about his feelings for Miranda and is proposing. If you want to get technical Gary is only on bended knee because Mike is.
And so here we are at the end of another series and although Miranda may not be heartbroken she is definitely torn.

Special Mentions:

Miranda’s skill for coming up with an excuse to not attend things hasn’t approved.

Now, talk to us! What did you think of the finale? Did you laugh, did you cry? Who do you think Miranda should choose? I bet you’re all saying Gary. But what about Mike! Well, if you’re anything like Penny it doesn’t even matter as long as she chooses one and gets the hell out of Spinster Hood.
JUST SAY YES!
TO WHO?

IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!!

All that really matters is that Miranda returns for series 4 and we find out what happens!

Hello chums! Oh- sorry, bear with. Bear with.

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This is a brief post for a brief encounter. See what I did there? No? Obtuse. Or intentionally being rude. Rude. Now, a Miranda review for the finale which aired last night IS on the way! We’re just having some technical difficulties, and by technical difficulties I mean I found it difficult to complete the review last night because my eyes had difficulties staying open. Also, mother’s having anger management difficulties. You see technically she isn’t angry at me however I believe the psychoanalytic term for her anger for others being projected onto me is transference. Don’t ask. But one cannot review Miranda when one is under the line of fire from a Samoan woman. My mother’s definitely someone Dream Boat Charlie wouldn’t beat in a fight.

So we will have a review up tonight! I promissiomissimus! In the interim you could perhaps check out our other posts? Otherwise… image

Miranda 3×05: Three Little Words

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Oh Miranda, Miranda, Miranda. This week we find Miranda still, shockingly, in a relationship with Mike. The problem? He loves her. How’s that a problem? I hear you ask, aghast at the very notion. Good word, aghast. Which is what you are, aghast at the idea that Mike’s love for Miranda is problematic. Which, I assure you, it is. You see with Mike you know what you’re getting. That is to say the development of their relationship has been pretty straight forward, thanks to Mike. He liked her, he asked her out. We definitely know where Miranda stands with him. We’ve known he’s loved Miranda since The Dinner Party, where his feelings were laid out on the table for us fans to feast upon. I’m using consumption metaphors because Miranda’s true love is food. Specifically, donuts. (I’m not going to get into a Mike - Gary comparison at this point. Hold your horses.) The problem lies in the fact that Miranda’s feelings are not as strong as Mike’s. Where Mike loves Miranda like a fat kid loves cake, Miranda’s the cake- in love with her chef. Damn it Gary, how did you find your way in there!? And that’s part of the problem! Gary finds his way in there no matter what. Visual reminder? Miranda can’t say those ‘Three Little Words’ to Mike because, as we all know, she’s in love with Gary. And we all know that Gary’s in love with Miranda, I’m not just saying it because they’re my OTP. Now Miranda doesn’t realise her feelings straight away, why would she? She’s Miranda. And so each time Mike says he loves her she’s responded with some nonsense that wouldn’t fly in the real world but works just fine as a diversion in Miranda-land.

Mike: I love you.

Miranda: Oh well, well done, you’re welcome and what a boost! That’s a fine hand, forsooth sir!

OR I uh..I … *sings* Eyes are to see and noses are to smell with.

What Miranda needs is her best friend (try not to burst into that song by Cher Lloyd) and the metaphorical prune to her emotional constipation. Unfortunately, they’ve unsurprisingly had a falling out becase Stevie feels Miranda’s been ignoring her since shacking up with Marple (Miranda’s nickname for Mike). On one hand- MIRANDA’S GOT A BOYFRIEND!!! *Penny voice* GOOO MIRANDA!! On the other? Disco Karaoke Finals. Stevie has the right to be at least a little annoyed. Although to be fair, forgetting to catch Stevie is perhaps no better than actively shoving her to the ground as Miranda does at least once every episode. We know their row is temporary. However before they make up, that poor customer from series 1 who was drafted into helping Miranda come up with an excuse for getting out of Penny’s matchmaking party in ‘Excuse’ is once again dragged into the foray.

The lovely fellow who just so happened to be in the wrong joke shop at the right time, once again finds himself in the middle of a Miranda mayhem and invited to ‘Stay and hang’ before he’s ordered to ‘STAY AND HANG!’ or commanded to ‘THINK AND PACE!’

He doesn’t have a name, despite now being Miranda’s replacement best friend, and interim work-shopper. Thankless job really.

Dominic Coleman is brilliant as Helpful Customer/We-Don’t-Know. For someone who no one knows (not even himself in the end) he winds up knowing an awful lot about Miranda’s life. However not enough to know not to blab to Penny that Miranda can’t be direct because of her ‘pushy mother.’ Or to Michael that they’re work-shopping because Miranda realises that she doesn’t love Mike. As things tend to happen in threes he also discloses to Gary that Miranda loves Gary. All confrontations narrowly avoided thanks to quick thinking and Take That references. It’s brilliant the way that it keeps happening- what’s more brilliant is the way they cover up We-Don’t-Know’s blunders by saying they’re forming a Take That Tribute Band. (I knew Gary Barlow was going to have a cameo so all throughout the entire episode I was just waiting for them to sing Take That’s Back for Good.)

Where not much occurred in last week’s Je Regret Nothing, a lot happens in this episode. It’s a whirlwind of words unsaid, work-shopping and running from geese! Miranda’s inability to just say what she needs to makes things complicated. And we all know what happens when Miranda isn’t able to get what she’s feeling out. Last time? Gary left for Japan. This time? Well, Rose has been texting so there’s every chance that Gary could get back with Rose. Gary needs Miranda’s help with the opening of Gary’s, and she agrees only in her the excitement of her realisation she forgets. Angry Gary is always a pleasure- until he’s frightened like a little girl. Stevie kisses Gary as a way of scaring Rose off, but everyone noticed a supposed lingering. I put it down to Stevie’s allure. Of course Miranda vows to one day snog Stevie’s Gary (Barlow) which she admits she knows would never happen. Fake French. New BFF. Proposal? No, Mike just told Miranda’s father that he took a job in Africa. That confused me slightly. I’m just glad Miranda and Mike ended on good terms. Because I like him. And so Miranda’s alone again, but she’s still got We-Don’t-Know! That blow out scene at Gary’s tho’

Penny: Oh that’s embarrassing, do something more embarrassing so it won’t seem so embarrassing.

Special Mentions

‘I wouldn’t laugh, that’s one of the reasons I love you.’

‘LUV-VOO’

Stevie’s one of us. ‘I’VE WAITED THREE YEARS FOR THIS!’ & ‘Of course (Gary) does (love you back). The minute Mike told you he loved you, I clocked Gary’s face.’

Freakin’ Raymond Blanc!!! Although thanks to Raymond we were treated to a cameo from none-other than Gary Barlow himself! AND FINALLY THEY SING MY FAVOURITE (and surely everyone else’s favourite) TAKE THAT SONG!!!! BACK FOR GOOD!!

Sound off in the comments with your favourite moments from this week’s episode of Miranda!

Oh I don’t kno-SOUND OFF!!

Miranda 3×04: Je Regret Nothing.

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Miranda’s had the worst five days of her life looking after a sick, thong-wearing, bell-ringing Penny. Yes, it’s as stressful looking/sounding as Miranda makes it out to be in her usual initial talk to the the audience. Penny’s sick and then Miranda’s sick, and realises she has regrets like never having gone to a music festival, among other things and has en existential crisis before feeling better but choosing not to tell anyone because she’s Miranda!

Wee bit threatening.Before the episode even really begins Miranda is at the ‘plotting [Penny's] death stage’ being left alone with her for five days straight whilst Michael is away, his absence from the episode is explained in one sentence. Something no one’s bothered to do with Clive just yet. We know he’s not there, but Clive couldn’t have just disappeared off the face of Surrey, for the sake of continuity or just to put us fans to rest, give us some gobshite story about where Clive is. Here are some twitter examples.

Where's Clive Twitter Discussion

Back to the episode which I think is a tad reminiscent of Holiday from series one. A sort of bottle-episode take on Holiday. Even the premise seems similar, in that Miranda is faced with the idea of growing old and never having lived her life to the full, leaving behind plenty regrets and not enough memories. In Je Regret Nothing it starts with a grey hair.

Penny Appreciation Corner. Starting off with the gif. ‘Your face’ is a favourite come back of mine, knowing Penny uses it and uses it brilliantly is awesome. Your face is awesome… backfired. She still calls remote controls dubris. The remote control dubris! Don’t forget the homo-phone. Basically anything that falls from this woman’s mouth is either a burn, a hilarity or a mixture of both! ‘I have the right to be demanding, I earned that right the minute I pushed a ten-pound you through my clacker.’
Now Miranda Googles symptoms that she feels to self-diagnose herself and thinks she has some terminal illness. Poor (hot) Doctor Gale whenever he enters the room. Seriously how does anyone normal function when surrounded by Miranda, Stevie and Tilly? *Slap* Stop it! Even Gary! (New OTP?)
Miranda, both the show and the character, is something of a wonder. A show that entertains both the older audience, and -is it still okay to refer to yourself as a youth even though you’re in your twenties? I want to say yes, but I doubt it’s okay. In any case it seems too Mirandian to consider yourself a youth but be afraid of youths at the same time. Miranda is a huge child, but she’s also an old lady. She has a game called snackfishing, exactly what it sounds like, but also has Midsummer Murders DVDs. She acknowledges that she is starting to display Penny-like characteristics mockingly. I don’t think simmering racism is confined to just Miranda’s mum, my mum is pretty racist. They’re racist without even realising it.
Tilly (YAY TILLY’S BACK!) is going to be an ‘X-Factor style pause-ios’ Life Coach! Hush your Kong-face she’s brrilimossios at it. No really she is! She gets each character bang on.
Tilly’s Life Coaching Observations
Penny: Must purge her Pans People regret by auditioning for the Sheperton amateur production of Chicago. Miranda’s negativity is a drain on her dancing. CONTROLLING.
Stevie: Cleanliness issue. NEAT FREAK. Bossy and PUSHY. (Stevie is also amazing this episode. Her singing! ‘It’s like a vocal hug!’)
Gary: Childish commitment-phobe. Searching romance as a detour from reality.
Miranda: Miranda needs to emotionally and physically declutter. She’s a child, trapped in the body of a woman, trapped in the body of a man, trapped in the body of a bigger woman- trapped in the body of a Kong. There’s loads of her in there.
Tilly’s life according to everyone else: SHOULDN’T BE A LIFE-COACH.
Plunge my crack. Wait, what?
-
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Which brings us to…
Yeah I’m not going to acknowledge this. Nope. I can’t.

Excuse me while I nerdgasm at the fact that Miranda incorporated a Doctor Who joke into the script.

Oh and SPICE GIRLS! In fact all the singing in this episode was tops.

Miranda 3×03: ‘The Dinner Party’

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Well hello to you Miranda lovers near and far, how I wonder what you are. Sorry, sorry. *Mouths* NOT sorry.

How adorable is Mirachael?

Ovary adorable. Not very adorable, ovary adorable. Nothing? Okay so maybe that joke doesn’t make sense out of context, still, rude. HE STILL CALLS HER QUIRKY! Side rant: I was trollin’ through the Miranda tag on tumblr and happened across some posts about how Michael calling Miranda is patronising and not cute. Also, one post raged against Michael nicknaming Miranda Quirky because ‘it’s not even a name it’s an adjective’ if you’re going to take issue with Quirky being an adjective use the proper term, NOUN- beside the point. It would mean anyone who’s nicknamed after a defining trait or physical feature can’t be because, well, adjectives! Red, Shorty, Beautiful Blackie- uhm. Focus! So Michael calls Miranda Quirky because it’s one of her defining characteristics, it’s part of who she is and he loves her for it. He calls her Quirky endearingly, not patronisingly.

Side rant over. Mostly because you know Gary and Miranda have been my OTP since S01E01 when, while dancing together, Miranda’s trousers slipped down. However there’s no need to belittle what Miranda and Michael have. Even if Gary’s expression in the background tore my shipper heart in two.

If you thought Miranda in a relationship would be any different to Miranda NOT in a relationship you are sorely mistaken. Because she’s as gawky and clumsy as always. If attempting not to be so…embarrassing around Michael. And ‘Operation Maintain Dignity’ around Michael only means suppressed silliness bursts out in inappropriate moments.

That poor instructor. I’m sorry, but how can Miranda continue to be allowed into group activities with how she acts? Remember when she smashed everyone in that yoga class in series one?

(I can’t find the gif and I’m much too lazy to make one right now so try to remember!’ Yoga instructor breathes in and says ‘Annnd let it all out.’ Miranda immediately starts talking ‘Well, it’s my mother you see.’ Whilst walking towards the front of the class, pushing and kicking other people in the class out of the way before punching the instructor in the face. If you have these gifs, by all means share and share alike I always say! )

Now I love that by Miranda’s standards she’s sophisticated girlfriend personified because she owns a ‘pashmina’ and can, although not very successfully, hear someone say ‘sausage’ without giggling.

Things I will probably try: Fruit friends, Vegestapals, swing muffin, possibly the best game I’ve ever seen, ever. Swing muffin. No. SWING MUFFIN. What cereal am I? Can we fit Stevie (anyone small) in a pillow case? Where’s Miranda? (Or any one of my friends.)

Things I probably won’t: Going commando, wearing an elasticated culotte, being a proper ladywoman for someone. Cooking anyone dinner.

Miranda’s a big kid, this is something that’s endeared her to us over the years. There’s no need to change, and although she tries to change a bit- for Michael, it doesn’t really stick. The first night he isn’t over and her house looks like a playpen. Stevie, being Stevie, points this all out to her and so Miranda sets out to prove to Stevie that she’s ‘serious woman’ and ‘a functioning adult in a mature relationship.’ You know this can’t well, but will most definitely be hilarious.

We find out Gary is applying for a loan as he’s buying the restaurant (YAY!) and so can’t babysit for Chris and Alison!

I’m actually rather glad to see them, and looking a little frazzled might I add. You know where this is going, and you’re loving it.

Miranda: Well hellooo babysitter.

Gary: Oh, well, helloo responsibility.

Miranda: Helloo RUDE.

Chris and Alison are desperate for a babysitter as Alison needs to go have a *mouths* scrape, at the hospital, so they agree to let Miranda babysit and exit. Although not before Alison’s brilliantly delivered line on the subject of trying to have another baby: ONLY I CAN SPEAK FOR MY VAGINA!

Miranda’s reaction to Alison’s outburst and most probably to the word vagina: WHY! WHY!…Whyyy Delilah wawawa.

MIRANDA AND GARY ARE TOTALLY ENDGAME AND THIS CONFUSES ME GREATLY! Because Michael is so lovely and he too gets Miranda. So if and when they do break Miranda and Mike up, please be gentle.

Miranda is rather at home in the music session at the play-center. Because the lady leading the session sings everything- Miranda needs a job like this, although at the same time it would be disastrous. Think of the children. Also, Old MacDonald had a ..dolphin? I was in hysterics throughout the episode, don’t get me wrong, but I about had an ‘accident’ during three scenes especially.

The Dolphin impersonation. (Someone find me a gif post haste!)

The Chiropractor scene. (I still find slapstick and toilet humour hilarious, yes I am five. We’re ALL FIVE! HIGH FIVE! Also WIG! WIG!)

And the Dinner Party. (Everything about the dinner party. From Miranda’s ‘grace’ where she tricked us to into thinking she was going to sing some ABBA but didn’t, to FIVE SECOND RULE, FIVE SECOND RULE to everyone talking smack about Valerie in the room and being overheard because of the baby monitor. I WAS IN STITCHES.)

The thing with Miranda is that I love ALL of the main characters. How brilliantly was Penny’s fisdunctional line delivered?!

Actually Penny was ON FORM tonight. ‘Do you think you could do the laugh while you’re making the joke, that way there won’t be any false starts.’ BUUUURN.
Stevie throwing down the ‘do things without your mummy’ gauntlet. GAUNTLET! Also, HER ‘BOYFRIEND’ NORMAN! ‘No no, we’re seeing each other- GET OFF ME.’ Her foot in mouth problem, during the awkward Gary and Miranda’s spotty past discussion. ‘Oh tell me about it, ON, OFF, ON, OFF!’
Gary breaking up with Rose because she talked smack about Miranda. (More confusion, damn you!) When he was the only one that jumped onto the chair at the thought of a mouse. I love that they’re consistent with their characters, Gary’s always going to be just a little bit feminine.
Mike standing up to his dad for Miranda. And he *gets* Miranda! ‘And do you know what I really want to do? FOAM FIIIIGHT!’
EVEN THE RANDOM STRANGERS. Norman: ‘I shat myself once.’ ‘I like to let kittens feed from my beard.’
Miranda’s characters never disappoint. Which reminds me, bear with, where was Tilly? Although, with the plethora of characters that kept the episode perpetually in motion this week, it was probably wise not to include Tilly. Especially when it was a ‘couples dinner’ and Tilly’s woefully singletins at the moment.
It’s a hectic episode, as is any episode of Miranda, but satisfyingly hilarious. And not just hilarious but there’s something you can take away from it. Miranda’s told she needs to be more mature and sophisticated, or thinks she needs to be, but in the end Miranda, as a person and a show, maintains the idea that you’re always going to be yourself no matter what. And if you’re a grown woman-child then OWN it. And Miranda does, she owns it. It’s why she owns a joke-shop. We all need to be a little bit more like Miranda, and I don’t mean immature and childlike, I mean true to ourselves.

And in this episode of Where’s CLIVE?! I am currently with possible answer. Well, I’ve done some serious research (not really, I Googled the actor and had to sift through some stuff about the crazy Aurora shooter James Holmes) and it appears as though James Holmes, UK actor who plays Clive, might have been a bit busy whilst Miranda was filming. Mystery managed. Although, I’m sad. But perhaps Valerie can fill the void Clive’s left behind. That one person who mocks Miranda to her face, only Mike’s dad will mock not just Miranda but her ‘freaky friends and dysfunctional family’ too! Yeah nah, no one can replace Clive!

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Miranda 3×02: What a Surprise

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Well hello imaginary friends, sorry this review’s a day late but what can I say I lead a ‘what I call’ exciting life. Meaning I mowed the lawn yesterday and it tired me out completely. It was an eventful task, you see I had to move the lawn mower over concrete to get the last patch of grass on the other side. I’m not familiar with mowers so I had no idea how to do this without breaking a blade so I lifted the blasted thing, it’s freakin’ heavy, and it slanted then started smoking profusely and stopped working. The lawn mower’s somewhat new and also belongs to my mother so when it stopped working so did my heart. Oil started dripping and the thing you pull to start it wouldn’t pull. Mum kept yelling out why the lawn mower was off and each time I heard her voice I about passed out from fear. I was also in a dress so it provided no layering should she find her lawn mower broken and decide to come at me with the machete. I tell you now when I looked up and saw my mum standing there with the machete she was uses to chop up plants in her garden with I contemplated faking a seizure. However by some sheer stroke (pun) of luck I pulled the string and the engine roared to life. You have no idea how narrowly I avoided death yesterday, Samoan mums are renowned for their quick tempers and boomerang jandals, but my mum? She’s renowned for her quick tempers and even quicker machete thrust. Heh, thrust.

Right, Miranda! Sorry about the long anecdote now on to the episode! First of all. Penny for, what I call, Power! Wouldn’t that be just a little bit terrifying? Yet still ‘such fun!’ I’m sorry but tax break for anyone willing to marry Miranda? Oh Penny, you are, what I call, bloody hilarious. Tax evasion: SUCH FUN.

Big News: Gary has been dating and is now an item with someone named Rose. Miranda’s face was nothing compared to mine. How dare they mess with my OTP? When Miranda throws food in Rose’s face, priceless, in fact any interaction between Miranda and Rose is hilarious. Although Miranda is borderline, outright mean. It’s not really Rose’s fault that Gary is one half of my OTP. In all seriousness however I think it’s necessary for Miranda to not be so hung up on Gary, surely if they were meant to happen they would have happened already. Granted they have but I believe they need to be apart and emotionally attached to other people in order to fully appreciate each other.

Because “Who wouldn’t want a bit of this? You, want a bit. Want a bit of this. I’m aware it’s gone weird, camp and slightly threatening. Sorry.”

We end up in the club where Miranda meets Michael because Tilly has a freakout about being in their mid-30s, single and doing some curry exam. Sh convinces them they need to go out on the pullingtins. Tilly-isms. However it takes Gary and his girlfriend jogging and winding up in Miranda’s flat and asking to shower in her house (what? Why? Who does that?) to convince her. While both Tilly and Stevie find guys to dance with fairly quickly Miranda, dancing a bit like a thunderbird who needs a wee, does her usual fine job of attracting men with her idiosyncrasies. Read as: not very well at all. Until, Michael! The reporter who called Miranda ‘lovely’ in It was Panning! Sorry but Miracheal is kind of an adorable name.

I hope he doesn’t go the way of Danny from the first episode of series 2, one episode and gone, which is unlikely now that he’s legitimately her boyfriend. They’re adorkable. I mean, he calls her QUIRKY. And this guy came back despite how many embarrassing moments he caught Miranda in. Also, they both had a hunch!
Trust Miranda to be arrested for impersonating a police officer. Trust her mother to suggest they swap clothes when the police leave the room so that Miranda could make it to her date on time. That entire scene had me in stitches.

Things that continue to work for this show:

  • Miranda breaking the fourth wall and including the audience in her bits. Even better when someone breaks the wall with her. ‘All night long, ALL NIGHT, ALL NIGHT.’
  • Don’t sing- BURSTS INTO SONG.
  • Miranda and Stevie’s friendship. ‘Got a second date, got a second date!’
  • Tilly-isms.
  • Such fun! This year’s laugh.
  • Always ending up half naked somewhere.
  • ‘You know when you get nervous socially, you end up lying to impress?’ Yes, Miranda will never stop doing this and in this episode she’s a special constable volunteer police and scuba dives. But we all do it, completely fine.
  • First cousin Benji.
  • Helloo and good mowwwning. Nik naks, nikkity naks. The wobbilly, bobbilly fleshy bits. CRINGE WALK.
I shall you leave you to ponder this important question… WHERE’S CLIVE?!

Miranda, our JawkwardLOL Queen Kong. 3×01 It was Panning.

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There are few TV shows that can combine slapstick, toilet humour, romance without being mushy, drama and witty wordplay into a thirty minute episode so well without being vulgar or lame. Miranda is one of them. It’s amazing that the foundation of the episode can hinge on the gang seeing Miranda at the end of an obesity report on the news when the camera was panning across and she happened to be sitting on a park bench stuffing her face. It gives her mum a reason to get Miranda to Eaters Anonymous where Miranda gets to high five someone she calls ‘manboobs’ and sing a little Bey. To the left, to the left.

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We get to watch Miranda struggle with a corporate environment and it doth not bode well for her. As per usual she winds up half-naked and makes a grand exit.

It’s funny because we are Miranda. The socially awkward woman who hasn’t yet grown into a mature adult despite her age, now that sounds like it could be a jibe but it most certainly is not because- well.. Rude.

It’s Christmas time in Surrey and it seems, since the last Christmas episode things have taken a turn for the less than great. Miranda’s lost the shop and Stevie as it seems, who has now gotten a job as a professional executive and seems to have also taken on a very Tilly persona.

Miranda and Gary are ‘just friends’ now although, as Stevie and the (oh so (un)happy to be single) Tilly point out, they’re always on the ‘brink’ of romance. Cough bear wit, OTP! Bear with.. OTP! Yeah no, because Miranda and Gary are my OTP and if you think otherwise you’re a basic bitch. (Okay, that’s twitter’s fault, someone inserted this phrase into my vocabulary…not a euphemism.)

Just a few mentionables:

Also, was anyone else dying when her pant leg was ripped off by the elevator? Or when Stevie found her thing? She’s not obese it was just paaaannning! Paanning!
Gawd and Patricia Nelson! Miranda it was meeee!

If this first episode is an indication of the rest of the season you can bet your maracas this series will be just as funny as the last two.

Except..WHERE’S CLIVE!!!!