Game of Thrones 3×01 – Valar Dohaeris Review

Valar Dohaeris, which of course means a whale’s vagina. I’m kidding, and if you didn’t catch that Anchorman reference then son of a bee sting what’s wrong with you!? Valar Dohaeris means All Men Must Serve in High Valyrian, which I suppose is a running theme for this episode, maybe even the entire show? All men… and women, hell even animals, must serve at some point. Who or what you serve can be your undoing or your survival. However I feel it isn’t just a character’s actions and loyalties at question here but their existence. In the Game of Thrones the idea of who you serve can have an impact on or is impacted by what purpose you serve. All men must also serve a purpose. Why do they even exist? Roslin, for example, it seems they’ve kept her around for more…exposition? Not sexposition- heh. I don’t know, remember when they gave us the drunken knight in season 2? SPOILER: he’s supposed to have a big part in getting Sansa out of King’s Landing in the books, however we’ve yet to see him since. They’ve changed it so that Sansa, from the get go, knows that Lord Baelish (however untrustworthy you the audience may find him) is behind her prison-break.

Dany’s dragons, (bit of a spoiler alert) enjoy that freedom, guys. Astapor and the unsullied. Am I happy with what I saw of the Unsullied? I suppose. Can’t wait for Dany to lose her shit. Already sick of what’s-his-face. WOO SER BARRISTAN!!! I liked how they portrayed the assassination attempt on Dany’s life by those pesky Warlocks. Just because they want the D. D for Dragons.

Margaery Tyrell. Seeing some Tyrell love after today’s episode. Just remember, she’s a hardball player. She knows what she’s doing. Politically, she’s got her head in the game and I like that it’s more overt in the TV series.

Joffrey’s cowardice is such a great feature. I wonder, did Joff turn out the way he did because he came after Cersei killing off Robert’s true heir? I mean, his siblings are a lot more sympathetic.

Speaking of sympathetic characters, my poor Tyrion. Sidenote: I always love a good banter between Cersei and Tyrion because he’s got the wits but she’s got the haughty bitch quips.


Right, Tyrion’s daddy issues, for good reason. Gawd Tywin’s such a douche- which is funny because (spoilers) you’ll find out if they don’t alter what happens to Tywin in the TV series. Speaking of possible outcomes, will Shae’s fate in the book series come to pass? I’ve found her characterisation on the TV show to be much more likeable than in the series so I don’t know how it’ll happen. Especially considering what happens in the book sort of fuels Tyrion to go full on rogue- well along with the events that occur at the Purple Wedding.

Review in the style of the TV show: I don’t like that Jon doesn’t have Ghost with him. Um, is there a reason? I actually can’t remember. Also, where is Mance’s missus and her hot sister? Robb, she’s your mother listen to Jeyne, wait that’s not Jeyne. Davos, you poor sod. Although I for one like that you stepped Melisandre out from the get go rather than tip toe around it. There was no Bran, Arya (and so no Gendry!), Jaime or Brienne this episode but I trust we get to see them in the next.

It was a tad hard to get a handle on this episode due to all the jumping about from character to character, location to location. I can only imagine how non-readers of the series would have felt. At least with the novel you could settle into a character a bit before the point of view changed again. However all in all I liked it, mostly because of the feels. Everyone’s susceptible to the feels and I know it’ll only get worse as the season progresses.

Special Mentions:

– You had one job, Sam Tarly, ONE JOB.
– I couldn’t help myself. The people of facebook are just way too easy!

– Now go watch the second episode’s trailer you crazy kids! HERE


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