JawkwardLOL Reviews ‘Bucket List of an Idiot’

Dom Harvey: Bucket List Of An Idiot

Title: Bucket List of an Idiot

Series: N/A

Author: Dominic Harvey

Publisher: Allen & Unwin

Emphasis on the Idiot! Dominic Harvey’s book was the first I purchased for my new Kindle Paperwhite, you can understand why I couldn’t afford a physical copy. A flash new Kindle equals empty pockets for an indefinite amount of time afterwards. I had been wanting to read Bucket List of an Idiot for a while now, no thanks to his constant plugs of it (recommended retail price of $28.99 at all respectable book stores) during The Edge morning show, co-hosted with Jay-Jay Feeney and Mike Peru. Those poor sods that have to work with, and in Jay-Jay’s case be married to, such a nong-head. J K LOLS J K LOLS we at JawkwardLOL think Dom’s hilair. Although I’m sure we’ve all had that moment when Dom has said something hilarious, but malapropos, on air and you’re sitting there thinking…

Now in saying this, Bucket List of an Idiot isn’t for the faint at heart, or stomach. The cringe factor is pretty high, honestly, you need to be pretty mellow to appreciate, nay really enjoy it. What do you expect from a book where there is an abundance of toilet humour, some of which is presented to us within the first few pages sans a toilet, might I add? And despite this, the foreword is a handwritten message from the current Prime Minister John Key. What a fancy guy. Although the foreword does suggest Dom have a ‘bungee jump without the bungee’ as one of the items on the list. Witty Key, oh so witty. Any Samoans reading this post thinking ‘I see what you did there’? No? Sigh. A bi-lingual pun wasted.

I digress.

The basics. A bucket list, for anyone who doesn’t know what that is, is a list composed of things to do before you kick your maker- wait no, meet the bucket, crud. Let me try that again. It’s a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket and/or meet your maker. Die. A bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die. Now Bucket List of an Idiot is just that and even more. It’s the bucket list of an amusing idiot. There are some things, as with every list, that you wouldn’t be too keen on trying out yourself. For instance, I don’t think any of us would be keen to literally kiss another human being’s bum. Unless you’re super into that sort of thing in which case, cool… we don’t judge.

And then there are chapters where you think, dude, that’s awesome. I want a go! No, I’m not referring to his visit to a Dominatrix or a Gay Sauna by the way. Yeah nah to be honest, more often than not, you’ll find yourself thinking you’re glad you’re not Dom. Especially when physical pain, embarrassment and monetary loss is involved. Because while you read about certain discomforts that Dom encounters for the sake of writing this book, you’re sat comfortably in your lounge, library or in the parking lot trying not to laugh so hard while Dom explains what he had to go through to tick an item off his list.

Stylistically? The book is written in a laid back Kiwi fashion, it reads like you’re listening to Dom tell the story animatedly on the radio, or even as though you were having a heavily one-sided conversation with him on the street. The diction and lingo, regardless of whether or not you’re a Kiwi, is easy to understand; if rather colourful and not very child-friendly.  As the chapters don’t progress chronologically or even link, you can read them in whatever order you like. And if you happen to skip a chapter, lord knows why, it won’t have an impact on how the book reads as a whole.

JawkwardLOL Verdict?

A lot of the awkwardness that occurs is right up our alley, so I enjoyed it immensely, as did Jess (she told me herself). We don’t want to spoil any of it for any slackers out there who have yet to have a read, but if you’re keen for chuckle or keen to give someone else something to laugh about, then get a hold of a copy of Bucket List of An Idiot. I hear they’re selling fast, or was that Richie McCaw’s autobiography?


JawkwardLOL Impulse Buys

Jess: I bought a ukulele yesterday. Dunno why. It just felt right until last night when I was like WHAT DID I JUST DO?

Me: Can you play the ukulele?

Jess: NO, I think you know I have absolutely no musical talent. I don’t even know why I did it. Now I need to learn to at least strum otherwise I am the biggest failure in my life.

Me: Where did you even buy a ukulele? Online or was it a physical impulse buy?

Jess: I was bored so I went to TradeMe to look at auctions. I clicked on $1 reserves and saw some ukuleles. I thought, wouldn’t it be cool to have a ukulele, maybe I can learn to play it! So I went and looked at websites on how to learn ukulele and I was like whoa when one website said it was the easiest instrument to learn. Then, I was like if kids can learn it, I can. I didn’t want a cheap one from trademe cos’ I read that some can’t hold a tune.  So I googled, found one and put it in my cart. Then I was like should I? So I watched some Youtube videos of ukulele and there was of this obese Islander guy but his voice/playing was beautiful so I was like YEAH.  So I bought it, went to bed and forgot about it. Until last night around 10 or so and I was like WTF.

Impulse buying! What do you buy on impulse? Odd packet of chips? An RC toy car? A human liver on the black market? Admit it, we’re all guilty of impulse buying, I know I’m guilty of impulse buying.

And yet someone, down the back there, is whispering (very loudly might I add) ‘buy on impulse? What does that even mean?’

Well  if you’ve been living under a rock (or prison) for most of your life, impulse buying is… um when the urge to purchase- blackout and buy. You see and- BAM! WANT! I mean, TAKE MY MONEY WHAT… HAVE I DONE?! That’s what it- yeah nah ugh, I suppose I have to show you.

Okay, so close your eyes and imagine this: You’re walking through a store, either browsing for the hell of it or searching with a sense of purpose, and something catches your eye. You stare at this thing (whatever it is is irrelevant, like Chris Brown and Rihanna’s relationship) and this thing whispers ‘you want me.’ Before you even know it you’re however-much-it-costs lighter and you’re on your way home to enjoy your new scuba suit. You may have never even seen the ocean before in your entire life, but you’ve purchased this damn suit and you love it. You’re in a post-purchase haze, you might not even know what you’ve purchased. That, my friends, is essentially what impulse buying is. We’ve all experienced it and sadly succumbed (sometimes without even realising) to it. To be fair, however, I’m sure usually not as crazy as buying something related to an activity you’ve never done before in your life. What always remains the same, however, are your thoughts of ‘I really did not need that’ or questions such as ‘why did I get this?’ I’m no behavioural psychologist or even someone who studies consumer trends and habits, but I know impulse buying. I’ve lived it. I’m like the characters in Star Wars who don’t need to see the movie because they’ve lived them. You will buy something ridiculous on impulse, sometimes you’ll do it blindly or, like Jess, you’ll rationalise it every step of the way until the deed is done and you lay down to sleep but your eyes pop open and into the darkness you whisper, “Why did I buy that?” You are amongst the [insert completely researched statistic] amount of people to buy a product, or jet plane, impulsively and later wonder ‘what on earth am I going to do with a 150 year old eye of newt?’ It’s insane the kinds of things you can buy nowadays especially thanks to the Internet.

Just ask Jess.

I say you guys comment with a song you want Jess to learn on the ukulele and she will learn it, just for you. We will record it and everything! (More promises I may not be able to keep. Aw yeah, that’s how we do it, politician style.)

Tweets4Treats Jawkward got treated to a Girls Night Out. Acca-AWESOME!

If there’s one thing we love here at JawkwardLOL it’s free stuff, and people or companies that give us free stuff are not only the bees-knees but…yeah I lost momentum. Two weeks ago Jess got some tickets that magically turned into a night’s stay at a hotel all by tweeting @TelecomNZ asking for a treat using the hashtag #tweets4treats.

Jess then proceeded to ’round up her peeps’ which, of course, included me! JawkwardLOL, Jess’s mum and our friend Heather (@heathderby) had NO idea what we were in for, but boy were we excited.

Well, save for Jess’s mum who refused to believe anything until she was sitting in the hotel room. Bless her. Although with Telecom refusing to tell Jess more than what was indicated in those initial tweets there was a touch of nervousness about us.

And when we spotted a limo outside. Hoooomahgherrrrrr!

However it then disappeared and Jess’s mum nodded her head wisely before looking at Jessica with knowing eyes, an ‘I knew it’ beginning to form on her lips. A few minutes of confusion later we were meeting Suzie and Guy (the Camera guy) who would be our Telecom Tweets4Treats reps. The limo WAS for us, after the initial OMGs and WOWs were out of the way we were in the limo and off to- well we still didn’t know. But boy were we excited!

Waivers were signed, initial introductions were made, in between bouts of tweeting. If it wasn’t apparent before, Suzie and Guy would become familiar with our tweeting habits, or rather addictions. Suzie informed us our first stop wouldn’t be the hotel, and before long we were at East Day Spa for manicures. My first worry was not being able to tweet while my hands were occupied and I was forced to admit that sometimes I tweet with my nose. Nothing wrong with that. Am I right?! Once our nails were done, we were transported to our hotel where a crowd of our adoring fans had to be held back by security.

Our fans were crazy…invisible. The elevator ride up to our hotel room was filled with the relief that we weren’t attacked by Jawkwardians.

And of course the anticipation of the view we didn’t know we would be greeted with. It was pretty amazing. We were pretty amazed.

The view was a treat.

So were the treats. Just ask Jess.

We were still amazed when they took us to the movies to see Pitch Perfect. Which, by the way was Acca-Amazing.


Upon arriving back at the hotel we discovered even more treats!

Suzie and Guy (the camera guy) were kicked out of our room and we settled in for a night of kicking back and enjoying the life.

There may have also been some singing of One Direction and Justin Bieber whilst Jess’s mum watched some movies in the other room on the ol’ iPad.

Jess was particularly keen on dancing to ‘Baby.’

She certainly was ‘One Less Lonely Girl’

Practicing our stalker skills.

Jess and I stayed up until the early hours of the morning discussing business matters and the status of our friends. We couldn’t get enough of the view, basically we could not part with it. And that’s why it’s taken so long to post about it (not because of my general lazy uselessness). Just thinking about the hotel life, and how epic it was, makes me sad to come back to reality. The next day:

We tried to eat our breakfast in moderation.

We tried to catch Suzie and Guy (the camera guy) unawares.

And we failed miserably on both accounts.

Our exit interview was recorded and then we were delivered to Jessica’s house. Um… can we go back?

P.S if this happens to actually air on TV, know that we’ll be making fun of ourselves a WHOLE lot more than any of you ever could.


Because of Reasons. Pond Reasons.

Come closer to the screen, I want to have an conversation with you, homo sapien to computer screen. I took a small break because of reasons. Mainly lazy reasons, but also because I was mourning the loss of Amy and Rory Pond/Williams. The girl who waited and the last centurion.

Not a Doctor Who fan? What’s wrong with you? Moving right along.

Amy and Rory (as companions and characters) brought a familial bond into the TARDIS that, although there before, was amplified during their run. I was ridiculously sad to see them go, and I know some people weren’t fans, but I also know a lot of you out there were. I could address individual issues and argue until my face turned blue, but I don’t see the point. Mainly because I should be working. Shhh. I won’t tell if you don’t.

I look forward to the Christmas episode with a slightly saddened heart (as you do after saying goodbye to companions you were particularly fond of) and a strange optimism I’m not usually prone to. Because we have to face the fact that the Ponds, save for one River Song, are gone but we’ll always have fish fingers and custard.

Come along.



Sassy Robots Appreciation Post

I received an email from Jess yesterday morning entitled ‘Hello’ and I was sure, so sure, it was my friend seeing how I was on that fine Monday morning. I was incorrect.

From Jessica Kumar (@ really important accountant job place)

Why did the review not gif the most awesome part of the show?

Those sassy robots?

I don’t even . . . .

I’m surprised she didn’t open with  Haha

However, my sincerest apologies, invisible readers, for not mentioning or gif-ing those sassy robots. They were indeed delightfully sassy.

And I think I loved them, except for when they killed MY favourite part of the episode. Tricey. (Still a sore subject)

Dinosaurs? On a Spaceship?

Yeah. Dinosaurs. Big, extinct, upright lizards. That’s all I had to say before the little hairs on the back of your neck stood up in utter anticipation for the rest of my post, wasn’t it? Go on, admit it. ADMIT IT YOU WH- sorry. That escalated pretty quickly. Let’s get back to Doctor Who and the second episode of the the seventh series. First of all, as Jess  -the ever calculating (no pun intended) Jess- pointed out, this episode served as a great standalone. One of those episodes you could have missed (HOW/WHY COULD YOU EVER LET THAT HAPPEN?! Especially nowadays with the internet at your service) and it wouldn’t be detrimental to your understanding of any overall story arcs. Secondly, this has got to be the only show out there that will give you Triceratops Feels and then punch you, right in those Tricey feels. Until you can no longer breathe. Filch you’re such a bastard!

Right, so I’m going to make remarks using bullet points, because I’m lazy and there’s no fixing that flaw.

  • Lestrade (that’s his name to me, sorry guys but I won’t call him by anything else) was pretty funny. Well, despite his blatant sexism.
  • And could Queen Nefertiti be any more badass?
  • Rory’s dad was adorable.
This made me a tad teary eyed. Gosh. Emotational. (New word: learn it, live it, love it!)

I kept expecting him to proclaim that the TARDIS and everything going on wasn’t particularly ‘muggle-ish’

I’d like to make a toast. To Tricey, who would have made an excellent companion. A kindhearted triceratops who just wanted to play with Rory’s dad’s (golf) balls and gave the fellas a lift when they needed it. Not many humans would be so friendly as to let you ride in their car, let alone on their back. But Tricey, Tricey was better than most humans. Tricey deserved more. Tricey deserved to make it to Siluria with the other dinosaurs. So *raises glass* here’s to Tricey! May your heaven be filled with all the plants and vegetation you desire.
  • Also, foreshadowing much?!

“Come on Pond, you’ll be there til’ the end of me”


The end is nigh and quite frankly I’m not ready for it. I say that every time a companion’s time comes to an end though. The bucket for my creys are ready, however.

  • Special mentions. Rory’s face.


  • Hahahahahahaha Rory’s face.

Also, I see some people complaining about how the way the Doctor left Filch to get his just desserts wasn’t cool. Guys. Come on. Filch killed a bunch of Silurians, Tricey and took Nefertiti. He was a dick.

Filch, just because you’re a squib doesn’t mean you gotta be a dick.

Jawk. Out.


Asylum of the Daleks: Feels and Spoilers.

After a thoughtful nap I’ve decided it’s time to unleash my feels about the the premiere of Doctor Who series 7 onto the world. If the Pond Life mini series was anything to go by I should have been prepared for some manhandling of my emotions during Asylum of the Daleks. I was not. In fact I walked into this episode with a sort of blind optimism, what with it being the first episode back and all. However it was evident from the very start of the episode that it was going to be a sucker punch to the feels. (That’s ’emotions’ for non-tumblr speaking humans. Humans. *bites fist*)

In other words, the episode hurt me heart. Dear god, me heart. That’s right.

We’re taken to a run down Skaro, where the Doctor is successfully lured and captured by the Daleks with the use of a humanoid dalek puppet. Not many people successfully get a message to the Doctor, but this lady isn’t ‘people’ is she? She’s a dalek puppet. Dalek puppets aren’t in short supply either for we see others also ‘acquire’ the Ponds.


But they’re The Ponds, they’re Amy and Rory, it’s always been them. Always. And yet Amy’s all ‘I don’t have a husband’ and Rory’s snippy and all ‘sign these papers’ and I’m sitting there wanting to throw my remote at the TV. SO MANY ANDS! Oh my conjunction!

Not only do we start off with the abduction of the Doctor and (soon to be divorced) Ponds by Daleks, we’re then taken to the Parliament of the Daleks https://i1.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9pqlfZSuD1rakhd2o2_400.gif where they implore him to save them. Because ‘a darn ship’s ruptured the force field surrounding the planet keeping our crazies captive and you’re the only one who can go down there because we’re scared shitless.’ True story.


They told us Christmas. But I should have known.

It was a nice little reveal though.

The Doctor: At long last, it’s Christmas! Here I am!

*Dalek’s begging like little bitches* + TITLE SEQUENCE

And then BAM https://i0.wp.com/24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9oulhXJUM1r0hpa1o1_250.gif


Because I was told Christmas. And quite frankly it’s not Chris…wait. IT’S CHRISTMAS! AT LONG LAST!

I’m going to put it out there, I love Oswin. She’s got…spunk.

Which of course means something bad’s going to happen to her. Haha, no, sorry, I mean something bad HAS ALREADY HAPPENED to her. EGGS. EGGS-STIR-MIN-ATE.





If you need me I’ll be dancing away my sorrows.

Like ballerina!dalek over here.

But yay!

And yet…
Because this is Moffat’s run and no one can be happy. NO ONE.

Except perhaps the Doctor (amidst his self-loathing) as he relishes the Daleks (whose memories of him have all been wiped by Oswin!Dalek ) asking ‘Doctor who?’ DOCTOR WHO? Someone on the show saying the words ‘Doctor’ and ‘who’ together ALWAYS get me. Always.

Next week: Dinosaurs, on a Spaceship! We find out Rory’s a Weasley, Filch gets robots and shit to compensate for being a squib and Lestrade gets asked to help the Doctor but most probably responds with:



The LOL is silent.

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