Oh Miranda, Miranda, Miranda. This week we find Miranda still, shockingly, in a relationship with Mike. The problem? He loves her. How’s that a problem? I hear you ask, aghast at the very notion. Good word, aghast. Which is what you are, aghast at the idea that Mike’s love for Miranda is problematic. Which, I assure you, it is. You see with Mike you know what you’re getting. That is to say the development of their relationship has been pretty straight forward, thanks to Mike. He liked her, he asked her out. We definitely know where Miranda stands with him. We’ve known he’s loved Miranda since The Dinner Party, where his feelings were laid out on the table for us fans to feast upon. I’m using consumption metaphors because Miranda’s true love is food. Specifically, donuts. (I’m not going to get into a Mike – Gary comparison at this point. Hold your horses.) The problem lies in the fact that Miranda’s feelings are not as strong as Mike’s. Where Mike loves Miranda like a fat kid loves cake, Miranda’s the cake- in love with her chef. Damn it Gary, how did you find your way in there!? And that’s part of the problem! Gary finds his way in there no matter what. Visual reminder? Miranda can’t say those ‘Three Little Words’ to Mike because, as we all know, she’s in love with Gary. And we all know that Gary’s in love with Miranda, I’m not just saying it because they’re my OTP. Now Miranda doesn’t realise her feelings straight away, why would she? She’s Miranda. And so each time Mike says he loves her she’s responded with some nonsense that wouldn’t fly in the real world but works just fine as a diversion in Miranda-land.
Mike: I love you.
Miranda: Oh well, well done, you’re welcome and what a boost! That’s a fine hand, forsooth sir!
OR I uh..I … *sings* Eyes are to see and noses are to smell with.
What Miranda needs is her best friend (try not to burst into that song by Cher Lloyd) and the metaphorical prune to her emotional constipation. Unfortunately, they’ve unsurprisingly had a falling out becase Stevie feels Miranda’s been ignoring her since shacking up with Marple (Miranda’s nickname for Mike). On one hand- MIRANDA’S GOT A BOYFRIEND!!! *Penny voice* GOOO MIRANDA!! On the other? Disco Karaoke Finals. Stevie has the right to be at least a little annoyed. Although to be fair, forgetting to catch Stevie is perhaps no better than actively shoving her to the ground as Miranda does at least once every episode. We know their row is temporary. However before they make up, that poor customer from series 1 who was drafted into helping Miranda come up with an excuse for getting out of Penny’s matchmaking party in ‘Excuse’ is once again dragged into the foray.
The lovely fellow who just so happened to be in the wrong joke shop at the right time, once again finds himself in the middle of a Miranda mayhem and invited to ‘Stay and hang’ before he’s ordered to ‘STAY AND HANG!’ or commanded to ‘THINK AND PACE!’
He doesn’t have a name, despite now being Miranda’s replacement best friend, and interim work-shopper. Thankless job really.
Dominic Coleman is brilliant as Helpful Customer/We-Don’t-Know. For someone who no one knows (not even himself in the end) he winds up knowing an awful lot about Miranda’s life. However not enough to know not to blab to Penny that Miranda can’t be direct because of her ‘pushy mother.’ Or to Michael that they’re work-shopping because Miranda realises that she doesn’t love Mike. As things tend to happen in threes he also discloses to Gary that Miranda loves Gary. All confrontations narrowly avoided thanks to quick thinking and Take That references. It’s brilliant the way that it keeps happening- what’s more brilliant is the way they cover up We-Don’t-Know’s blunders by saying they’re forming a Take That Tribute Band. (I knew Gary Barlow was going to have a cameo so all throughout the entire episode I was just waiting for them to sing Take That’s Back for Good.)
Where not much occurred in last week’s Je Regret Nothing, a lot happens in this episode. It’s a whirlwind of words unsaid, work-shopping and running from geese! Miranda’s inability to just say what she needs to makes things complicated. And we all know what happens when Miranda isn’t able to get what she’s feeling out. Last time? Gary left for Japan. This time? Well, Rose has been texting so there’s every chance that Gary could get back with Rose. Gary needs Miranda’s help with the opening of Gary’s, and she agrees only in her the excitement of her realisation she forgets. Angry Gary is always a pleasure- until he’s frightened like a little girl. Stevie kisses Gary as a way of scaring Rose off, but everyone noticed a supposed lingering. I put it down to Stevie’s allure. Of course Miranda vows to one day snog Stevie’s Gary (Barlow) which she admits she knows would never happen. Fake French. New BFF. Proposal? No, Mike just told Miranda’s father that he took a job in Africa. That confused me slightly. I’m just glad Miranda and Mike ended on good terms. Because I like him. And so Miranda’s alone again, but she’s still got We-Don’t-Know! That blow out scene at Gary’s tho’
‘I wouldn’t laugh, that’s one of the reasons I love you.’
Stevie’s one of us. ‘I’VE WAITED THREE YEARS FOR THIS!’ & ‘Of course (Gary) does (love you back). The minute Mike told you he loved you, I clocked Gary’s face.’
Freakin’ Raymond Blanc!!! Although thanks to Raymond we were treated to a cameo from none-other than Gary Barlow himself! AND FINALLY THEY SING MY FAVOURITE (and surely everyone else’s favourite) TAKE THAT SONG!!!! BACK FOR GOOD!!
Sound off in the comments with your favourite moments from this week’s episode of Miranda!
Oh I don’t kno-SOUND OFF!!