Miranda 3×04: Je Regret Nothing.

Miranda’s had the worst five days of her life looking after a sick, thong-wearing, bell-ringing Penny. Yes, it’s as stressful looking/sounding as Miranda makes it out to be in her usual initial talk to the the audience. Penny’s sick and then Miranda’s sick, and realises she has regrets like never having gone to a music festival, among other things and has en existential crisis before feeling better but choosing not to tell anyone because she’s Miranda!

Wee bit threatening.Before the episode even really begins Miranda is at the ‘plotting [Penny’s] death stage’ being left alone with her for five days straight whilst Michael is away, his absence from the episode is explained in one sentence. Something no one’s bothered to do with Clive just yet. We know he’s not there, but Clive couldn’t have just disappeared off the face of Surrey, for the sake of continuity or just to put us fans to rest, give us some gobshite story about where Clive is. Here are some twitter examples.

Where's Clive Twitter Discussion

Back to the episode which I think is a tad reminiscent of Holiday from series one. A sort of bottle-episode take on Holiday. Even the premise seems similar, in that Miranda is faced with the idea of growing old and never having lived her life to the full, leaving behind plenty regrets and not enough memories. In Je Regret Nothing it starts with a grey hair.

 
Penny Appreciation Corner. Starting off with the gif. ‘Your face’ is a favourite come back of mine, knowing Penny uses it and uses it brilliantly is awesome. Your face is awesome… backfired. She still calls remote controls dubris. The remote control dubris! Don’t forget the homo-phone. Basically anything that falls from this woman’s mouth is either a burn, a hilarity or a mixture of both! ‘I have the right to be demanding, I earned that right the minute I pushed a ten-pound you through my clacker.’
 
Now Miranda Googles symptoms that she feels to self-diagnose herself and thinks she has some terminal illness. Poor (hot) Doctor Gale whenever he enters the room. Seriously how does anyone normal function when surrounded by Miranda, Stevie and Tilly? *Slap* Stop it! Even Gary! (New OTP?)
 
Miranda, both the show and the character, is something of a wonder. A show that entertains both the older audience, and -is it still okay to refer to yourself as a youth even though you’re in your twenties? I want to say yes, but I doubt it’s okay. In any case it seems too Mirandian to consider yourself a youth but be afraid of youths at the same time. Miranda is a huge child, but she’s also an old lady. She has a game called snackfishing, exactly what it sounds like, but also has Midsummer Murders DVDs. She acknowledges that she is starting to display Penny-like characteristics mockingly. I don’t think simmering racism is confined to just Miranda’s mum, my mum is pretty racist. They’re racist without even realising it.
 
Tilly (YAY TILLY’S BACK!) is going to be an ‘X-Factor style pause-ios’ Life Coach! Hush your Kong-face she’s brrilimossios at it. No really she is! She gets each character bang on.
 
Tilly’s Life Coaching Observations
 
Penny: Must purge her Pans People regret by auditioning for the Sheperton amateur production of Chicago. Miranda’s negativity is a drain on her dancing. CONTROLLING.
 
Stevie: Cleanliness issue. NEAT FREAK. Bossy and PUSHY. (Stevie is also amazing this episode. Her singing! ‘It’s like a vocal hug!’)
 
Gary: Childish commitment-phobe. Searching romance as a detour from reality.
 
Miranda: Miranda needs to emotionally and physically declutter. She’s a child, trapped in the body of a woman, trapped in the body of a man, trapped in the body of a bigger woman- trapped in the body of a Kong. There’s loads of her in there.
 
Tilly’s life according to everyone else: SHOULDN’T BE A LIFE-COACH.
 
Honourable Mentions:
 
–  Do check out our Compendium of Tillyisms for your reading and viewing pleasure. And if you believe something’s missing leave a comment! We’ll add it in and credit your great spotting!
 
– Plunge my crack. Wait, what?
 
– Which brings us to…
Yeah I’m not going to acknowledge this. Nope. I can’t.

Excuse me while I nerdgasm at the fact that Miranda incorporated a Doctor Who joke into the script.

Oh and SPICE GIRLS! In fact all the singing in this episode was tops.

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